Transcripts are the conversations from the podcast which may contain a few errors/typos.  It can be difficult to catch all errors, especially if two people are speaking at the same time.  Please enjoy the conversation and if you have any questions email us. sherley@sherleysshow.com

00:00
What is our biggest strength as a couple? Being able to stand together whether we’re right or wrong, we got each other back regardless if we like each other or not at the moment, at that moment, you know? So yeah, that’s how big, we definitely got each other’s back regardless of the fact. Welcome back to The Sherley Show. I am your host Sherley. Our discussions are going to be ranging from personal life experiences, infidelity, trust, forgiveness, sex, heartbreak, self-love, and so much more.

00:29
Let’s dive in, pull up a seat, make sure you’re cozy and get ready to be challenged and encouraged while you learn with me, your virtual girlfriend. All right. On this episode of Sherley’s show today, we’re going to be doing something different. I told you the name is Janaji. Listen, the name is going to be called R-Shell. It ain’t going to be called Sherley’s show. This is going to be called R-Shell. She put me in this and she thinks she going to change this to her name only.

00:56
He’s not being held hostage guys. He’s acting like he’s in duress. I’m a TV. So we’re going to do something a little bit different. We’re going to do 10 questions today. 10 questions because of the fact that Kalief and I are different in interest that we like. So in order for him to step into my world, this is the reason why he’s a co-host on the show.

01:22
to share his viewpoint from a male perspective about certain topics when we talk about relationships. And also this helps us build a better communication bond in our relationship that we do struggle with. I’m very transparent and we also, you know, that’s what it is behind the scenes here. So to get started, I’ll go first. She’s a mama girl and I’m a street leader. Once they get together, I bet she’ll sleep better.

01:52
I’m gonna go first with my first questions. Now my questions are- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We gotta play tip for tat on these questions, right? So that way I have to come up with my questions, because I ain’t write nothing down. So I’m really unscripted. You’re prepared. For what? You live life to the fullest by just being spontaneous. It doesn’t matter. No. I mean to be somewhat prepared. You got two questions out of ten. Yeah. So what? It don’t matter. You wanna go first? No.

02:22
You said you were going first, so you gotta ask your first question. Oh, you want me to go first? Uh, yeah. I thought you said something. Hold up, hold up. I need to think about something. I know what you said. You talked about when I was laying on the couch. Oh. Get your questions together. All right. My question, you’re ready. What do you love about me and what do you dislike about me? This gonna start a war. What do I love about you? Everything.

02:52
What I don’t like about you? I think every man know this. Females that nag, females that just talk, females that think the man ain’t listening when he got all the shit correct that she was talking.

03:08
Truthfully. Females that nag. Now you know they chat about this on the last episode. You’re nag, it don’t matter. I’m nag. You gotta, okay cool. No you do talk a lot. Yes I do and I don’t care. I admit to my talking too much. It don’t matter. So why do you think he knows nag? What does nag mean to you in your head actually? When a man is basically relaxing and a female just wants to come have a full conversation.

03:38
Nigga, my mind ain’t ready for these conversations. Like truly, that’s how we be digging. All men. Don’t generalize it. Not all men. Some men, I will say, do have good skills in even showing. See, the thing is, you have to know how to show some type of interest. No one’s telling you necessarily we want a response or it has to be full engagement. Because it depends on what she approaches you with.

04:07
I’m not mad, I just tell you what you need to hear. Prime example, baby did you get your 10 questions? I told you a week ago. I got you, I’ma get it. Yesterday, baby you got your 10 questions? I ain’t got my 10 questions yet. That’s not nagging, I’m just keeping it real with you. No, no, that’s cool, that’s cool. Nah, that right there, that’s cool. I don’t mind that part. You feel me, but like, when we’re waking up at goddamn six in the morning, you wanna have a full blown conversation like, bitch my brain ain’t even wake up.

04:32
It is up because you be moving phone conversations. phone conversations at six in the morning. I don’t have no phone conversations at six in the morning. Maybe seven at eight. It’s no difference. It’s morning. My brain ain’t wake up for your mind. Cause you literally be in depth with your conversations. I love to have conversations. yeah, I don’t make my shit short. Fuck that. I can press one here. You can. It’s up here.

04:58
Okay, cool. Curse. But every word that comes out your mouth does not need to be a curse word. Use no more words than that. Pardon your vocabulary. But you can curse. Every so often, yeah. Alright, cool. So, okay. I’ll res- Wait, your two responses. But you said, love everything. oh That glow you got in this camera. That beautiful smile. You know?

05:25
Your ambition and your drive to push me further than what I expected myself. Are you livin’ that, huh? Come on, stop playing with me, man. I got this, you know what sayin’? I’m still intoxicated, so she really don’t know. That’s I just want to eye-load. That’s when the police hit me the eye with the flashlight. We ain’t gonna talk about that. That’s another episode. Assault on the Officer is what I called it. Because he was down.

05:51
Okay, cool. All right, cool. Now let’s do a serious notebook. Did you see us last in 28 years for movie first match?

06:02
Oh, that’s interesting. means 28 years ago I had to, what I did know is I did know at an early age that Kalief was the man I wanted to be the father of my children. It is very hard for me to explain that to the world, to understand. It’s, it’s a feel-as. I’m not going to say that, you know, I’m telepathic in any way, cause I’m not, but I do feel

06:33
You do feel things. I didn’t know if we were gonna last 28 years. Of course, I go into relationships for long term and I haven’t had many. So it’s not like I’ve had men to compare, but my intention is find someone. Hopefully we are compatible and we live a long cross first life together. So I never entered the relationship thinking like, ah, maybe this might last five or 10 years, I thought long term.

07:03
until of course different situations started happening and then that made me question if we were gonna be together. But if I had to say 28 years ago, if I seen us lasting this long, it’s not surprising to me. That’s what I hoped for.

07:22
I respect that, I respect that. Me personally, ain’t no wood if I got was on my hands, I was just reckless. I was reckless. It actually took me a lot of years and a lot of meditation and sitting back on self reflect to know what I I didn’t see it, but it’s a day by day process. And I accept that day by day process. Just look through the ways of being able to be around me and

07:51
and drawing you cup with it. Put that smile on your face, Amato.

08:01
Okay. Oh, very similar to what you just asked. In the last 20 years, if you could rewrite part of our story, what part would you change? My own Padoey. Shit, my own Padoey, fuck that. Like, you know what mean? Like, I own…

08:20
I didn’t realize what good of a woman I had until it was too late and I was already part of. So that’s Lil E.

08:30
for most part. um

08:34
I wish I would have been more focused on maturing myself in life to basically have a better step of stone than what we have now.

08:49
Is there any such thing? All right, God. Wasn’t that racial? So if I had to rewrite a heart of our story, there’s two parts I would want to rewrite. Number one, my own infidelity as well. And two, when we were younger, if we had made better financial decisions, we would have been so far ahead of our times. Yeah. We like this. We would have been so far ahead. Like we’re doing very well now.

09:19
And I always pray to God that we continue to do well. But if we had made better financial decisions in our younger years, because remember we didn’t have kids for the first 10 years when we first started this. and I was still running the streets all that time. had an opportunity to stack up, stack up, stack up, or just do things differently. didn’t, but granted I for say, I didn’t really have a strong mentor.

09:47
You know, and my thought process was like, oh, I got time, I got time, I got time until it gets here. And you’re like, oh shit, it’s here. And I should have made better financial decisions. But we are making sure our children is in a better financial situation than we are. So at least we can better write their history when they’re younger. By the time they are in their forties, we pray and hope that they will be later millionaires.

10:17
Facts. So? Facts. And I will own a lot of Harleys due to my tails.

10:24
seeks you know what I’m Oh smart question now huh? Um.

10:33
See, I told them we had it too. That’s crazy. Cause I damn sure just had a brain for it. Do you pick up your phone? To Google like you mean to? I don’t need to Google now. You know, think to help you. I don’t need to, I don’t need to, no, no, no, I I don’t to do that. So.

10:51
Oh, Dad, there’s some ice cream and sugar in there. I thought I’d prank you for it, and I just had the question. Um…

11:03
Are you proud of our children achievements at this standpoint right now? Most definitely. I am proud of where they are. They are very focused kids, more focused than I was when I was their age. But I also feel

11:29
And I’ve had this very small brief conversation with Rye. And we’re not going to say any names, but you know about a particular person. I think she did comment. She says he, he does realize that he, gets a lot of support from her parents. Now I will tell you, Zoidal’s huge. uh

11:55
It’s different for him, but we’re not going into playing the only thing I’ll guide him because I like him. It’s different for him. But when you support your children, it’s huge for them. See, colleague and colleague don’t have to worry about what their next meal is going to be. They don’t have to worry about anything, really, other than doing their schoolwork. They don’t have to worry about nothing on top of that.

12:25
They have a pop-up that literally is like their side hustle. So, I mean, they got it really good. So where they are right now, I’m very much proud of them. They each had their own voice and they don’t allow outside noise to distract them. So I appreciate that about them, which is stronger than when I was 17. But I also did not have the support.

12:55
those two have. So it’s a huge difference when you have a support team behind you, as opposed to when you are forced to grow up and they do. I’m not saying our kids should not be responsible because at 16 and 17, soon to be 17 and 18, there are certain responsibilities they should know how to do, yes. But a child should not be forced to grow up earlier before their time.

13:25
He got to, I respect that. um I love my babies. I’m happy they are where they’re at right now. At that stair point, there’s one missing. And granted, I blame both sides of the parents and from that part from my third child, but.

13:45
You know what mean? don’t want to fight to be in the third child’s life due to the fact that there’s always a headache somewhere that falls into that lining. Don’t really want to get into details about it, but she’s still my big fan. She can get whatever she wants out of me. Also, she still has that support. I just don’t feel like fighting with them up about it. What is a strength of mine?

14:12
You’re always thinking, what should next move? You always want to plan, you know what mean? So that’s your stress, right? So your strength is that you’re always thinking that you’re always planning ahead. And I accept that, 100%, no problem. But you…

14:30
don’t have the worst case scenario backup plan. You basically just think for the thought and that’s what I’m doing. You don’t have that backup plan. So that’s just strength and weakness, technically speaking. You don’t have that like, what’s the backup plan? You got like that,

14:50
things go south, what am I gonna do now? Is there any type of way they can help me out? Like, promise everyone with the New Orleans, I don’t like that hotel. And, you know, granted we went down there with your budget, but me as the backup, but I’m knowing it. And they didn’t want to repart your money right there on the spot. And you’re like, oh, well, what are we gonna do? I’m like, man, don’t even worry about it. I brought money with me, man. Let’s just go get another hotel. I don’t care about that. They can deposit it back when they need to.

15:19
We still good. I do the back-ups. Okay. Okay. So I guess we can call that my, I’m a good planner. Yes, you’re a great planner or great or fire, fire. Why not sir? You know, like you always say, you know, they start planning ahead, thinking ahead of like, what you’re going to do with this and this and that. You’re just real random with what you want to do. And you need to learn how to save money and this and this and that. Cause you probably said, I like to buy things in bulk.

15:48
You know what mean? I’m not a $20 here or $30 there. And I mean, I want to spend like a couple thousand. No. Be honest with you. I don’t need to you about my wallet, because it’s broke. It hurts. My wallet hurts. Trust me. That shit hurt. My heart. It just, just felt the pain. Okay, cool. Now, oh yeah. Where you want, you want to go? Back your bag? Say don’t forget it? Yeah. Okay. We gonna light this one. Watch this facial expression. Shoot me a kill.

16:18
This is the best one ever.

16:30
You gonna help me with the dogs again? Like we gonna support these dogs, we gonna do our breeding once we got once, Got electric now. Once we get this property and this house, you know, I wanna start that breeding. I know the kids when we go on, like you said, I’m not always there, but I’m becoming a little bit older, so I wanna move around a lot to a certain extent, allegedly. So, you what happened? Cause like, wanna be like, I really wanna be like one of them people that like cut grass in their drawers with a beer when they’re riding lawnmower.

16:59
You know what mean with a couple chickens, a fainting goat, and some dogs. Maybe a pig. Nah, I don’t like a pig. Them pigs are nasty. I’ll do the chickens, the fainting goat, and some dogs. Maybe a horse too. We’ll do the horses. Yeah, we’ll do horses too. You don’t wanna be like, you don’t wanna feel like you were 80 again? Horses call it money. But if we get a big enough property, we can put stables there to where people can house their horses. Baby, you’re not domesticating.

17:29
You’re not cleaning, so we would have to hire somebody. But seriously though, like I really want to get back into the pre-room, but I still want to have my goat with my chickens though. Okay, I’m fine with chickens. That’s no problem, they lay eggs. Dogs, we’re talking about dogs. Not the chickens, that’s I was going to be on property. That is very debatable as of right now because here’s the problem with that. Lucy can’t get pregnant anymore. That’s what we’re not talking about. What I said once, hold, hold, yes, but hold.

17:58
This is future reference. This is not now reference. You know what mean? You can’t talk about the dog that already been there. Lucy cannot get pregnant anymore and Cash, his sperm is probably good till, you know, he dies. I’m assuming. I don’t know how long dog’s sperm lasts. The breeding of the dogs is… When we move, I already have in my mind like a simple setup that I want.

18:26
But you need to show to me your willingness to listen to what I’m saying because you’re quick and ready to respond. Taking care of a dog is a lot of work. And you even said, why got my family? Because you do rely on the three of us tremendously. But now the kids are around the corner from eating their own life and it’s not going to be their responsibility. We already know.

18:55
Rye wants to go away. Okay, that’s fine. Pop Pop is gonna be close enough, but I also don’t want him to be unfocused with schoolwork because we got too many things on him. The bare minimums, that’s fine. Everybody has to have chore requirements when you live in a home because the home does not clean itself. Dogs are a lot of care. I’m not saying that we can’t breed dogs, but…

19:24
Your sense of doing business is different from my sense of doing business because in my thoughts when it comes to breeding an animal is, okay, you get the dog. You have to really take care of that dog from the morning you wake up to at night when you go to bed from meal care to how the dog looks and everything else that needs to be done, not just breeding itself and also promoting.

19:53
And promoting look differently from if you want two or $3,000 from a dog as opposed to 10 or more thousands for a dog. even the visual of how your Instagram looks, what your pictures look like as opposed to you just taking a picture with the dog, like just standing in the living room. I mean, there’s so much involved. And the blah blah. That’s something you want to make a business. You like talking about it.

20:20
but you don’t really realize what’s entailed behind the scenes. Same thing with this podcast. All the scope I do behind the scenes here, even though this is not an animal, but if we put it in that concept, people just see the edited version of everything that we do. They don’t realize the setup that needs to be done. They don’t realize the person who’s writing my show notes, the person who’s editing for me the videos. They don’t realize the

20:49
behind the scenes time it takes for me to think about what’s our next topic going to be and scheduling and arranging. And of course, not just you because you know, also do, um, Kira is my other co-host. So you see how many wheels are revolving behind this podcast? Yes ma’am. dogs. So I need to really see that. And obviously I won’t see that till we move to the next home. And also the setup has to make sense.

21:18
Because I’m very particular like we’ve outgrown this space here So now you were talking about Brehan really need to make sense of how is that set up gonna look? How is it that I’m flowing to the home? Because It it just has to make sense for me. Oh, it just I don’t know that makes sense. That sense. respect that. No, not be more judgmental about this oh

21:49
How are you guys? Oh, you went to Lysol already, didn’t you? To Lysol and Gordon? We talked. Right? What is one thing we can do as a benefit or strength to strengthen our bond?

22:06
torture each other’s mentos. Just get on each other’s fucking nerves. I think we get on our nerves, each other’s nerves. If not every day, I could easily say on a weekly basis. Oh nah, I wanna torture them.

22:22
He went, what, my with him? Sometimes you make me feel that way because of your clothes on the floor, your shoes. That’s not my job. Your rule was you take care of outside, I’ll take care the inside. That was your rule, you take care the inside, I’ll take care the outside. was more of the outside. No, I just do it when I need to, you know what mean? Him cleaning up the door, pooping stuff right there, that’s cool, you know what mean?

22:51
When it comes to the power washing, washing cars, stuff like that. Outside looks all good. Yeah, I know. That’s where. That’s where we live. Our house, our area looks better than, well, our area itself looks better than lot of the houses around here, trust me. True. You ever want to sign some of these houses? I’m not going to exactly. They get different. So wait, you want to torture me that you feel like would strengthen our bond? Oh, that’s a joke. Oh, do you want to know where to strengthen our bond?

23:20
You leave me to fuck alone. I’ma tell you the truth. I told you you can get your own place and you know what you say? I’ll be there every day. Yep, I will. I have my own spot. Guess what? Ain’t gonna have no bed in it. They probably do not have a TV and a lawn chair. That’s it. So I… I sleeping on the lawn chair. I’m a stanky. I sleep on the lawn. You know I sleep on the floor with no problem. I gave you that opportunity. Yeah, but I still need my food. I still need my clothes washed. You know what mean? So…

23:49
Yeah, I’m still gonna be around you regardless of that. Like it doesn’t matter. Still need my clothes washed. I still need good home cooked meals. I need my jean jaune. Need my tasso, my fried turkey. You know what I’m I need my pickled onions. You know what I’m saying? I need my pick leaves. You know what I’m saying? Like one, two. Need a little bit of mamouleh from time to time. You don’t even need it when I make it. uh

24:19
Sometimes you’re not here, I will say that, but one of those things you have to be in the mood for. Exactly. But you don’t eat that that much. No, I don’t. I’m American. I want fish grits and eggs. Where I be the corpsman meal. it the leper or rice? Go some scrambled eggs up in there. See if I got some leftover meat. Chop that up, put it up in there. Boy, listen up. I go for ghetto designer dishes.

24:47
and define a dashes.

24:51
Oh man, they gonna love this podcast right here. Go on. But a few people are probably gonna find this comical and key. Yeah, a few people are gonna be like, they’re toxic. Who cares about them? Toxic is true love. We know. Um, boom, got one for you. Got one for me. Got one for you. Do I really be getting all your names? Yeah.

25:20
uh It’s a good nerve though. It’s not a bad nerve. Like, I’ll tell you this. The only time I really had a strong dislike for you is during your infidelity. Got you. Before the infidelity, Farrah, I didn’t have a problem with you at all. I accepted you for who you are. You know, it’s not like you came for money. It’s not like you had like so much to give, you know?

25:46
So I accepted you 100 % for who you are after the infidelity. things didn’t change. That was the worst part about you that I hate. Do you get on my nerves? Yeah, because your patience is low. You like to talk a lot and you’re disorganized. I’m not disorganized, Ressenda. Maybe you’re disorganized. No, I’m literally around the corner from holding. That… That’s fucking lies! Are you serious?

26:15
Yes, I help you keep things together, but if you lived alone, it would be in shambles. No, it wouldn’t. I’ll pay somebody if it’s everything.

26:25
Um, yeah. You get me? No, I know how to clean. I do. You, it’s not like you don’t know how. You are very aware of how to clean and- If I gotta do it on my own, I will do it on my own. But you wouldn’t, I had my boot on. You did laundry one time and I had to- The got off your shoulder, got you to move good. Lawns, good speeds on. And then on top of that, you only went half the clothes away. Yeah, listen, let me just keep you all the way in the hunting, right?

26:55
I felt bad for you, right? Until I say you can ask me, I said, oh, my baby died. I ain’t gotta do shit. I swear that’s, I’ma be so honest with y’all. First of all, she got her rules, her little foot surgery, whatever the case may be. Now I mean, I even gave her my pillow for her to prop up with. But anyway, we ain’t gonna talk about that. But yeah, man, now I ain’t third, fourth day sure with them moving around, I mean, fake limping and stuff like that, but she mobile, Mobile, mobile.

27:25
I’m like, oh, you can do this? Sir, I ain’t gotta do nothing else. She coming downstairs, sitting in little chair, while she cooking type stuff, nothing, just keep the pressure off her foot. But she moving. You think I need to wash clothes now? Oh, shit, got to eat. Oh, duh. This is why you’re like, oh, I’m good. I don’t have to do nothing. What? Facts, facts. All I need to do is go to work, make the money, pay the bills.

27:54
Mind you, we’re a 50-50 relationship, all right? I mean, nothing is 100%. We’re doing 50-50 and whatever we can’t make up. mean, whatever one person can’t make up, the other one corrects with them. It’s how we do this, all right? You don’t wanna build a bond? So I’m gonna tell you like this right now. She’s saving her money, I’ll save my money. If we do part ways, at least we got the money to get the fuck out.

28:14
Well, that’s how should be, but that has nothing to do with 50-50. That’s two separate topics. And that’s the same thing, Even if… No, it’s not. Even if a woman is a stay-at-home, she always needs to make sure somewhere, somehow, she has her own. Who? Or if a husband is stay-at-home, in case you do have to walk away from what doesn’t serve you anymore, you can. But that has nothing… Well, it falls into the same category, but it’s two separate discussions. Facts. Um… Okay. Right? We’re all in.

28:46
What makes you feel secure in our relationship?

28:52
I’m never secure. We honest with it. You know what mean? Cause at the end of the day, guess what? There can always be a wake up, I’m done with this shit. So I’m never secure, but I enjoy the time that we have together. So respectfully, there’s really no security in any relationship. It’s just having that bond with that, with this significant other and trying to live the best life y’all can live together until y’all tie to each other. Or until one passes away and another one must move on.

29:22
if they can.

29:29
Now that same question is for you. You say, I’m gonna be right there with you. I’m gonna be right there with you. How do know I want you to be that friend that comes to visit me every day? Because my last name is Troutman, guess what? Even when we break up with our women, we still need like, I’m telling you the truth. Rest in peace, my Uncle James. He all his baby bros in the lineup.

29:59
It was that family cookout together.

30:06
Next question. No, that same question is for you though. You want to answer as well? Yeah, that same question is for me. It makes me feel secure in our relationship. Yeah. Now, let’s put you guys now.

30:25
I didn’t think about it until I saw mine. What makes me feel secure in our relationship?

30:36
No.

30:47
presently at the moment, the now, based on the last few years.

31:00
You could definitely see a shift in Koli being more present with me. Not necessarily, I’m not talking about like family events or anything like that, because the kids are about to lead their own lives. So, you know, once they’re gone, it’s just me and Koli. That’s just how life works. But he definitely is more focused.

31:28
and in tuned with what’s going on presently in our relationship. There was a long period of time where your focus was elsewhere. And then, you know, when we were younger, I don’t know where your mind was at that time. I guess I was still like living in my bubble. So, you know, I have put you up on a pedestal for many years. So I don’t know why I put you paying attention to.

31:55
He’s still very important in my life, but I’ve had to make some adjustments.

32:05
So I guess what makes me secure is the love that you show me now is even stronger every year that goes by.

32:20
I know, I was yelling at you and look at me. You could say something. I am saying something with my eyes. You better you’ll do that now. Turn your body down. No, I’ve muted it out. Right, boom. I’ve muted it out. So, you like that response? do you feel? That’s cool with me, that’s cool with me. I’m off with it, you know. um

32:46
Mother Jam-a-sir. You went twice in Rome. I did.

32:52
So where we at? Where it makes you feel most connected to me.

33:02
That’s a good one. Shit, I don’t put no connection with you fuck there. We will stop. Is that more?

33:13
um What makes me feel most connected with free uh, our aura. I I feel as though like we have a strong bond with each other just in our surroundings of each other. And even though we have our hiccups, you know, we have our pros and our cons, but that’s just the bond that we have, you know. And I mean, we done been through a lot to where

33:43
that bond has became stronger than it was ever then. You know, and it was more along the lines of like, me not caring, me just doing what I wanted to the point where when I did my fasting and my self reflection and things and a little bit of therapy, I realized I ain’t love myself. And once I got to start loving myself, I had to love those around me because it wasn’t make those around you happy.

34:11
and you’ll be happy. was basically.

34:15
other way around and I mean I gotta make myself happy to make sure those around me will be happy.

34:27
Don’t don’t get don’t get on moisturizer now. I understand your face blowing but calm down Betty. All right What made see feel connected to me? Oh, that was your question to me Now I’m calm down this is not a limb

34:59
What do you have in mind for our next goal in this venture of life that we have? Purchasing land. Probably, that’s it? That’s our next big goal. What are you talking about? In general, it’s a whole. Yeah. So you just want to the property? You don’t want to love me more? Do y’all see this? She only want to love me as much she thinks she do. Well…

35:29
Oh, okay, okay. So from a romantic standpoint, not a business standpoint, from my romantic standpoint, what is my goal for us? Well, we’re about to enter what they call the empty master stage because our oldest child is going off to college in the summer.

35:55
And our second child is going to be right behind her come next year. Actually, not even next year. the next… What is way seven? Within the next few months. He’s already, before this year is over, he’s going to put his applications in. But next year he goes, our lives is about to change drastically because drastically. So we had children.

36:25
Our first child will be your 24 and 25? Uh-huh. 46, 25, 26. Or 25. And then 25, 26. Oh, gotcha. So, we are going to have to learn how to re-love each other in a different way without children, because the third child does not live with us. So, our lives look differently for that reason. It’s going to be an interesting venture. So…

36:54
which I haven’t even thought about this since he asked this question. So the goal I have for us is learning how to re-love each other in a different way now that we’re in our 40s and two of our children are older.

37:18
So since we’re on the engine of this empty mess stage, you won’t cook for me that can’t… What’s the long story? Like you gotta think about it, that house is gonna be empty, no kids like we can sit here and be some crazy crazy… This is all that you know, that’s what I mean. That boy will still be here. He gotta go to college first. He is, but he’ll drive. That’s his second year. And he’s only gonna be here on the weekend. His second year? His second year is when he’s in college.

37:48
The first year you can have a fall premises. He’s not gonna have a fall premises. He’s going to stay home. His goal is to go to school and make rosie, which is not a bad idea. Nah, he gotta get out. He gotta get out. I ain’t be for that. Nah, you gotta take a ride, bruh. I encouraged him. might- No, no, no. We’re not talking about college for the kids right now. Okay, okay, cool. So, let us focus on Toswin here. That’s something we can talk to him. I have spoken to him, but he’s more focused on staying home.

38:15
Which at the end of the day, you also have to understand, and this is why more budget conscious since you want to bring this up. You do have two kids in college, which is not cheap, but they have two kids in college at the same time, literally, for the next 40 years. One is definitely going to win. Minimum for out of state tuition. We’re talking about minimum where working that is. And I’m rounding it up $11,000 a semester. That’s for out of state. In state is so much cheaper, and especially when you don’t live on campus.

38:44
is astronomically cheaper. from a financial standpoint, I would say both. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

39:14
I need you to do something romantic from start to finish without me happening.

39:24
I need you to cook me a dinner. I gotta cook? I don’t know how to cook. You know how to cook? You wouldn’t… We used to make them turkey wings and take them to the hospital and do all types of… I wouldn’t go out on that. You were? I was paying people. You weren’t doing the turkey wings at home. I was just doing the turkey wings. You was putting them in the oven. The thing is, you know was never a fan of turkey wings. Rather fried or baked. Figure it out. I almost do fried turkey wings now, bro.

39:55
it definitely wasn’t beef fried turkey or anything. What is our biggest strength as a couple? I’m on seven out of ten.

40:04
What’s our biggest surprise, a couple? They and I were just standing together whether we’re right or wrong.

40:12
think that’s one of our biggest stress, know, like being able to stand together whether we’re right or wrong, you know, and um…

40:24
we got each other back regardless if we like each other or not at the moment, at that moment, you know? So yeah, that’s how big, we definitely got each other’s back regardless of the fact. You might not like something I do, I might not like something that you do, but it may be, I’m there for you just as well as you’re there for me. I agree. That’s good. I think we’re friends on the aspect that…

40:49
Because we were fuck buddies before we started a relationship. I guess that build like a connection of if she needs me, I got it. I always tell you I ain’t calling you. I don’t care. Don’t matter. I’m gonna call aunt Diane like, your son in? I’m gonna definitely call you. Definitely call you. I’m not calling you. Yep. It depends. It depends on what I’m calling you for.

41:19
Because the problem is, babe, the issue is the reason I won’t call you is because you not cool, calm, and collected. That’s your problem now. That’s… And you’re like… Yeah, cause you supposed to be a cool, and collected one. I ain’t I mean, I’m the rowdy one. That’s why we have this bond that we have. You know what mean? We’re the opposite. You’re I’m dumb. I’m big, you’re small. That’s like…

41:49
You know what I’m Babe, these are jokes. You can’t have a serious podcast without having jokes going in between, you know what saying? Don’t call yourself dumb. Listen, anyway, don’t feel bad for me, alright, because I know what I am, alright? I’m mentally disturbed technically. I’m not doing it all. We’re all a little mental in our own what’s way? I’m battling the demon while we’re doing the Alright,

42:18
Um.

42:22
What would you like our next property to be here?

42:25
That’s secret information the world needs to know. All right, Whatever. Look at something else. We’re not sharing. How many bedrooms you want in the house? How many bathrooms? Do you want a pool? This is, you see? How much yards do you want to This is the consequence of waiting till last minute to write your questions down. 100%. I’m winging it now, boy. Winging it. You need to think of relationship questions. Relation. You’re sharing with the world what our next problem I don’t want to share the world with my relationship.

42:55
No, this is educational. We’re not- Oh, you want education? Alright, you want education, right? You want education. And so, you know, learn like, well, how- 28 years, how y’all do it. Like, you get what I’m saying? Like, think- You said you was gonna win it. Win it, man. How the hell did you stay together for 28 damn years after everything I done pushed you through? God. Why didn’t you lead me? Oh, okay, that’s a good question. Why didn’t I lead you? I thought about it.

43:22
multiple times, Pete Warhol. Let me tell you, this thing called trauma and when you hurt your partner is real. I have thought about it numerous times. I prayed about it and I said, God, am I making the right decision? Because show me a sign. Let me know if I should be walking away from what doesn’t serve me anymore. You know, tell me something.

43:49
Because I don’t know what I should do. So that was one aspect of it. The other aspect of it, so you know how my mind works you in the world is, I’m thinking, love, I’m gonna leave this motherfucker, go be with somebody else and don’t even know what bullshit he got stored in his fucking way that he doesn’t share with me right away or where he got going on in the closet. But then my mind works like, no, Sherley, don’t bring your trauma to another relationship. You can’t do that.

44:18
But to truthfully answer the question of how we lasted this long, it took a lot of self-reflection for me and I still reflect. Till this day, every day I reflect about the decision that I have made to stay in the relationship. Generally speaking, I will tell you, I am 90 % happy that I am here. The 10 % is more his disorganization.

44:48
Oh, all right. I was about to say. The 10 % is his disorganization and other things that falling that like, Khalifa is not the most biggest romantic person on the face of the Earth. He does try, but you know, he’s not romantic. Christ, I’m worried you’re poked. No, you didn’t. When I was locked up, that’s what happened. Yeah, you were in a confined situation, so you had no choice. That’s why. But I did write him out. wasn’t…

45:15
given somebody some soups, I was writing them myself. Oh, did write stuff, because you had no choice, but now that you’re free. I ain’t doing that. You know? But my love is me being here with you. We say because ultimately we wanted to. This is our situation and we’re not going to share that on here. You could either listen to another podcast or read about it on the blog if you don’t know what the hell it is that we’re talking about. We’ll talk about it another time, but not today.

45:43
We lasted as long as we did. Truth be told, it’s really because we wanted to. And I do feel like God played a huge role. It’s not easy. Okay. I think Kalief will agree with me in where. To run some of your right. We both are on each other. We’ve been victims and perpetrators in this relationship, each of us. So… Still are. How are you a victim? Cause everything I put you through…

46:13
And now that I’m the kind one, you put me through fucking hell. I ain’t gonna hold you. The way you talk to me sometimes, I’ll be crying on the inside. You don’t be crying. What? You do not be crying. Yo. You don’t know. That you don’t be crying. I mean, granted, I will say my words can be harsh, because words are definitely, that’s why they say words are stronger.

46:38
than your actions, your words are sharper than your actions because words can really hit home. So yes, I will admit that the things that come out of my mouth at tons are a bit strong, but it’s for me to encourage you. It’s for me to lift you up, okay? Be little when me is encouraging me. I’m a little me. Nigga. Tell me one example. I don’t got no examples. They was hurting me when you were speaking. Well, was it at?

47:06
it the trauma time? Was it before? Are we talking about present day? We talking about present day. I’m a late on you. What? You know how much junk you talk? Like you really talk. I may say something slick. You really talk. Like, you the shit. Like you be coming at me like that you got money money. Like nigga, you don’t need to be here motherfucker. I don’t give no, like you come crazy. Then how I become what?

47:36
I told you I’d be crying on the inside. You think I’m playing. Why do you think you playing? This not a joke? We gonna talk about this in here at RocheFist. I’m gonna tell you. So the next podcast on this introduction, I’m gonna let you know she wanted to have this conversation. But me personally, after I say what I say, it is what it is, we’re done. We don’t need to talk about this shit no more. You know what I mean? It’s over with. You know? I don’t do a lot of thinking. She don’t even do a lot of things, but she think a lot. Trust me.

48:06
So luck, I’ll be crying on the inside. Your word hurt? Oh man. I tell the truth. So do I.

48:18
Yeah, your words be hurtin’ too. Allegedly. Allegedly. Free to be hurtin’. So to say we hurt each other. We’ll do it with an example. You mean example. Example? You don’t need one. All right, cool. Done. not if you want? No, you don’t need one. You probably gonna need any motherfuckin’ messages. That shit crazy. She got all our messages on file, like screenshots. You know what I’m sayin’? She was star the message so that way she could remind me of something I said to her.

48:49
See, that’s how you mount on two weatherpads. Next question, 8 out of 10. I don’t even know what number we are for you.

49:00
I’m probably like 11. No, you’re not. Barlett, I don’t know. What is something we have not done together that you want to do or something to do more of? Yeah. Can this be jokes? Well, give a joke and then a series. All right, cool. Give a joke, Dennis. All right.

49:26
I want a sky dog puppy.

49:34
Randall, you were just talking about like, I don’t want your nipples showing on the video. Why’d you wear in a bra? Now you want a skydive bucket? Oh, that’s the check. Duh, dummy. What was the question again there? What is something we have not done together that you want to do or something to do more of that we have done?

50:01
I want you to get on the back of this Harley with me and ride this road with me, baby. For real. Like, I already got a one in mind. I want to do Tennessee. I want to ride to Tennessee. You want to ride with me? It’s 13 hours. Look, I’ma buy the seat. You gonna get on the back of the bike. I’m gonna get a bigger tour pack, you know what I mean? So that way you can put majority of your stuff, you know what I mean? You know how you want to pack. She’s like, person, road trips. She gonna have snacks in this tour pack.

50:28
drinks in this tour pack, she gonna have everything, you know what mean? I can’t do that on a bike. You better? And how you wanna go on a Harley but you don’t wanna take long rides? Because I wanna trike. Can trike take long rides? Yeah! And I could put my own stuff and you could put your own stuff and I’m in control of the speed and where I’m going. No, you’re not gonna be in control of the speed because if I’m riding my bike and you’re riding your bike, you’re gonna be riding with me. I’m not gonna be doing no 13 hours.

50:56
I’m the speed limit, I’m sorry. I’m breaking laws. these limits. I’m breaking the law. We could go fast. Yeah, but guess what? My fast is 80 to 100. I don’t know if a trike could do that. It can, trust me. You won’t have more work done to that bike, believe that. I mean, stock with a pipe, that’s what we call it. So you want me to be more on the bike? Yep, you gotta hit this road, Betty. You gotta hit this road. Well, as height nesters…

51:20
Opportunity’s Opportunities gonna open up so sure that I’m gonna be on the little right. I’m just telling you now me I got a ride coming up soon. I mean I go down to now saying my ride with me Do you want to hear what I want? What’s that?

51:35
Moorgate Night.

51:38
looking at me as a date. He’s on that home. Yeah, looking at me as a date. When I’m home, that’s our date. You know what mean? When I’m laying next to you, that’s our date. You know what saying? When I wake up, you want something to eat, that’s our date. You know what mean? When I come in the house and I’m the one cooking, that’s our date. Stop playing with me, man. This is what I do.

52:01
They gonna love this episode. It should. We’re gonna attract a certain reform that how it works. I don’t care about under-saturnly drillies everyone. Don’t care. And usually it’s people we don’t know. Don’t care. Why do you care so much? Who cares? I’m discussing something. I just thought this isn’t gonna get curled. No, absolutely not. I don’t want to care to every crowd. All right, cool. You’re next. I know. I’m already thinking of it.

52:30
I gotta think, I’m winging away at it. You said we’re racialized, right? Uh-huh. um

52:39
What do you feel as though we should do more of? Like what should we do more of? I’ll make you do…

52:48
That’s one of the days. What do I think we should do more of?

52:59
Hands on it. Hands on.

53:03
Activities activities, but not necessarily activities because you could kind of I guess this is hands on to me bad No, your hands on is sexual hands on in Germany’s probably um Not more hands on because I guess in date night you could do that. What is something we should do more of I do feel that

53:27
That’s a tricky one. Because I don’t want to say cook together. I’m okay cooking by myself. Babe, we already tried that. We know that’s the character for us. You don’t touch my shit, I don’t touch your shit. All we do is do taste tests to see if we like it or not. We’re going to do more of with that. that’s it. You know what something simple I would love to do that is effortless is I like to play cards.

53:53
Like Uno, like old school games and stuff like that and you don’t do that. Do not play space. We can have a game. Wanna have a game later? uh See that’s the thing you want to invite people and I’m not into all that. You know, just me. Yeah, play space with two people. Maybe one other or two other people. fine with that but- You got some old girl. My boy. Who? The brother. Who? Zamar. I asked. Zamar’s sick of you. Fuck him. He’s so sick of you.

54:22
He barely wants to shout out to my boy. Know where he is. He’s so sick of you. That’s why he came over here. Yo, do you know, let me tell you about this. We don’t care. Let me tell you about this. My boy Savage knows about this, Oh, we’re saying names now and I can’t even say bike. Yeah, my boy, my boy, my boy knows about this, right? So listen, right? This Thanksgiving that just passed, right? Me and her in the kitchen cooking with her cousin and stuff like that. We are writing some guest over, right?

54:51
So we had people here, right? She said, nobody’s eating until the food is fully done. My boy pulls up to the house, comes in the house. As soon as I say he was here, she started making his mother fucker a plate. I swear to God, I was supposed to type away. I’m in my own house and can’t eat until the food done. This dude come in the house, she made him a full plate. He said, let you sit and walk right back out the door. Sir Mara, please. He was house hoppin’.

55:20
Me and Savage felt some type of way about this. Go ahead, tell them what I said. Don’t care what you said. This is my house and he ate before me. Opposite my feelings. Would you like to tell them? Well, tell them what? Jamar plays a huge role in- No he don’t, no he don’t, no he don’t. I don’t even like the dude. She lying.

55:43
huge role he plays in his life. still brings this up. Now, this was a year ago, over a year ago now, because it was November 2023. No, four. He was here for, he was here at 24. you talking about? Was it 24? 24. It was 24. Yeah. Okay. So this was November 2024. So it’s, you know, a little over a year ago. no, it wasn’t.

56:11
It was 24. The baby was sitting out here. I’m trying to tell you, because the baby, you know, because I know you wrong because I had the baby. What are you talking about? Savage income is things do things. Oh, you’re right. You’re right. So it was 24. Yeah, you’re absolutely right. Yes, because he got a trouble last year. No, very rare of 2023 and he’s still talking about it. And it’s 2025. Jamar plays a huge role in his life. I tell him all the time, all these names you’d be dropping when you’re talking. I don’t care. A crap.

56:41
Listen, the moral of the story is, the man had a plate in my house before me. That’s my moral of my story. Babe, you was eating while we were cooking. You was a rabbit piece of something. And then Katiana would give you a funny look because she’s like…

57:00
He was like, I wanna try the cool. Yeah, I So you haven’t a lot of taste test opportunity. He still got a paint before leaving my house. That’s the mortisory. Anyhow, what was your question? You side bars, you look side bar. What did you ask? I don’t even know. Oh, I think it was mean wise suppression. Oh, what? No, you said what would we like to be more of? And I was telling you card game and then you wanting to invite the world and you know how I- All right, but no, no, no, stop talking now. Don’t get side barred.

57:30
Finish your job, car gangs. Am I allowed to do it? Yeah, talking about my question, yeah. The rest of the stuff, the world don’t need to know. Ain’t that what you always are? He loves me in the limelight. Anyhow, I like car gangs. I really do like car gangs, but you don’t do that enough. And then you want to have like people over. I’m not, I’m talking about this is a great opportunity for us to build a more

57:59
Like you said, how do I connect with you? Remember when I asked that question, you’re like, shit, I don’t connect with you. So I’m- That was a joke, though, babe. You don’t connect with me was a joke. You felt some type of way about that? You’re not- get out your- all right, then, get out your problems. All right, just keep- I’m just saying, like, this is a good example for the car-

58:17
Do you like to play cards? I know. I do. So? Don’t, don’t, alright, we’re gonna start playing cards. We ain’t playing no Uno though, I swear, I don’t like it. That’s because you’re weak. No, I don’t like Uno. I like dominoes, spades, tonk, gin rummy. Why do you think I chose you? Cause of Lysian. I got cute features.

58:44
I’m sorry, I’m sorry. honestly I don’t know.

58:50
I’m scared. I don’t… And I’ll tell you what… Because I was a bad guy at the time.

58:56
She’s a mama girl and I’m a street nigga. Once we get together, I bet she’ll sleep better. No, I’m a girl. Do I look like a mama girl? It’s a song. Oh, yeah? Yes. It’s in a song, all right? But because I was kind of sort of the bad guy, what mean? And we know the opposite’s a track. And you know, you thought I’d back out there and bust in that school redress that day, boy. I was a fan for school uniforms, boy. I swear on everything I love.

59:24
Nah, I mean, I had that thing looking like it was walking in slow motion when I was visualizing that board. You were a creeper. Hell, I was a creep? No, you were a creep because you were staring at me when I got off the bus. I was hot. I was smoking weed at the time. I couldn’t tell. All I seen is someone staring, and I looked at you and gave you a dirty look. Will you accept the end to your world? We didn’t talk till like a few months later, though. Oh, he? Venom.

59:52
Why did I choose you 28 years ago? Simply because you would just cheat. No, well, I didn’t know anything about you. You don’t know somebody when you first meet them. But you know how some people are like, oh, because you bought me a coffee or, you know, maybe some interaction. We didn’t really have any interaction. was really because you were deta- Because you couldn’t come out the house. Yeah, they kept me hostage. Stay there.

01:00:17
So that’s really the only reason 28 years ago. And I’ve already answered why I stayed because you asked me if I’d ever leave. It’s cool. um I think I have my last question. My last question is what is more important to me, a night out or a night home? For you? What’s more important to you, a night out or a night in? I want to ask the same question for me too.

01:00:46
I’m just gonna let you know that. Oh, you want to steal my question? Yeah, I’m definitely gonna steal that because that’s a good one. I want to see if you know me. So that’s basically what this question is, a see if you know me type question. Um, that’s a dependable circumstance. I mean, that’s a dependable situation. um if it’s a…

01:01:05
We haven’t done that in a long time. You’re a night out person, you you wanna dress up and just go have a good time. But for the most part, you like the home body, you know what mean? Like you’d rather stay in, you know I mean? Fix a good mood, set the mood, set the tone, everything else like that, it’s like a first time. So your night out or night in is a 50-50 because we could do night ends, but then you want that one chance or two chances of.

01:01:34
Let me just go have a night out. Let me go try something else. Because that’s how you basically build your palette of knowing what you want to eat for your night ends on the house. mean, your night end on the house, you know? When we’re staying in the house. Oh, you know what? I tied this over here. Let me see if I can… Damn, I lost that word. Basically, one of us said you can make the food at home. You know? But where am I? Your night out. Facts.

01:02:03
Best nights are out. You’re a night owl. You’re not a soul buddy. I’m not. I’m never worse. Do you all like being home? I don’t. Considering my background, I don’t wanna be home. I don’t. Okay. That’s why we here alone. No, I’m saying, like that was a trigger right there for me. I really don’t wanna like, not saying here in this house, but due to my background of, you know what mean? Living in a congested lifestyle with family members and you know, like bouncing from house to house and everything else like that, like.

01:02:34
That’s kinda sorta why like my mental is unstable, but, uh, see, I just don’t like being around. I mean, I’d rather.

01:02:44
You know, go do something dumb here and there, you know, like, but still be able to make it home safe and have a good time.

01:02:54
Well, everyone that concludes the questions of 10 questions for the each of us as you can see, Sir Calip here winged it. He winged it pretty well. had to say for not having anything written down. This is a prime example of how opposite we are prepared unprepared. Anyhow, this is a great way for you to

01:03:22
Try to build a connection with your partner. There was an article that I wrote about it. I’m pretty sure I’m trying to think. Either way, this is a great opportunity. It doesn’t have to be 10. It could be five to start it off, to ask each other some questions, to get to know each other a little better. Of course, be respectful. Try not to end in an argument or a dispute and learn you’re a slicking on the couch. Because you said something that’s hurtful. You’re not gonna be slicking on the couch today. I love slicking on the couch.

01:03:51
And that’s because it’s cooler down here and you’d be hot upstairs. But till the next show, you guys have a great one and we’ll talk to you