Transcripts are the conversations from the podcast which may contain a few errors/typos.  It can be difficult to catch all errors, especially if two people are speaking at the same time.  Please enjoy the conversation and if you have any questions email us. sherley@sherleysshow.com

00:00

You gotta see each other as one, you know what I mean? Like, if she’s down, you down, you know I mean? But you also must bring each other up. That’s one of the main things. Always knowing how to bring each other back to understanding that y’all are one. Welcome back to The Sherley Show. I am your host Sherley. Our discussions are going to be ranging from personal life experiences,

00:29

infidelity, trust, forgiveness, sex, heartbreak, self-love, and so much more.  Let’s dive in,  pull up a seat,  make sure you’re cozy,  and get ready to be challenged and encouraged while you learn with me, your virtual girlfriend. Welcome back to another episode of Sherley’s Show. It’s been a minute since we’ve recorded. I think it’s been 60 days  approximately, if not longer.

00:56

Sometimes life takes over. But anyhow, today we’re gonna be talking about  how to make a relationship last long. Marriage,  union, whatever word you want to  change relationship to, it doesn’t matter. How to add longevity to your relationship. Anyhow,

01:22

Our topic was created by Mr. Troutman here. So he is going to start off. I am not starting off. I’m gonna pass him the mic. I am not starting off. You don’t wanna start off? Nope, I’ll let you start off. Why? Cause I don’t wanna start off. You don’t wanna start off? You created the topic. You asked me to pick a topic. Yeah. All right, so you can start off. You want me to start off? Yes ma’am. Okay, so I’ll start off.

01:48

because he’s a little shy here and he doesn’t know what to say, Mr. Unprepared. So  how to make a relationship last a long time? Kalief and I are towards the end of our  28th year entering our 29th year. And even sometimes I ask myself, how did we sustain this long? So for me, and I’ve written a blog article about this,

02:17

and I think there are six important pillars. There are other pillars that are important in a relationship, but there are six important pillars  that are important. And the article that I’m speaking in reference to, I have a few articles, but this one in particular was an article I had wrote on why people cheat instead of walking away.  But  the six pillars that I found that were benefit in a relationship to help keep it solid,

02:46

was trust, respect, consistency, communication, loyalty, and sacrifice for me is what I believe are six important um items  that you should definitely have in your relationship to help with the longevity. So based off of that, Mr. Troutman, how would you like to start off?

03:15

Well, I guess let me ask you first, why was this topic important for you to discuss? wasn’t important  for me to discuss. was, you said pick a topic  and it’s a topic where like through all our trials and tribulations, like we can actually  give people the understanding of how to cope with things like infidelity. uh

03:44

just a number of things.

03:48

being wanted, feeling unwanted, uh proving yourself, not proving yourself, feeling down, having doubts,  and so on. The list just goes on. Okay. So since it was a topic  that you chose, even though I told you to pick a topic,

04:08

Do you have the longest relationship of all your friends?

04:14

I don’t know that. I don’t be in their business.  You don’t have to be in their business. Out of all my friends, yes.  I mean, I’m talking about the people that you generally associate with. Yes, yes. Okay.  And for me, it’s likewise. I’m not saying that I be in my people’s business, but my good friends, I pretty much know what’s going on in their life. That’s a simple question that I can answer to say, I do have the longest running relationship out of my  close circle.

04:44

is what I’m going to say. My very close circle, I do have the longest standing relationship. um So I guess let’s start off since you want me to lead. ah How have our relationships sustained the longevity that it has even through the  trials that we’ve been through? Sacrificing, not giving up.

05:15

always having hope, being able to understand one another even when it’s hard to do so.

05:25

Now, sacrificing is an interesting word that you use, babe. The reason I say that is  we have been through a lot of things.  And, you know, if you want to focus on  one of the issues that we definitely went through in our relationship was infidelity. Now, you know, a lot of people, ah that is  a definite no for them. They, you know, they’re like, if he or she cheats, I’m out.  I’m not staying. I’m gone.

05:55

How do you feel about that when people make that comment? I feel as though it’s bullshit because  you can  have standards, but sometimes you’re gonna give up on them standards because you love that person so much that…

06:14

You’re basically gonna see it as a phase. And when are gonna get out that phase? And how much of it can you take and everything else like that? So that’s why they got Polly. Just get you two girls and call it a day. That’s why they have Polly. You’re so silly. um Did you think that way? No, I didn’t think that way. I was just a knucklehead ripping and running.

06:42

Well,  you never had the thinking of if any girl cheated on me, I’m gone, I’m out. Like you had to have some type of thinking. I think everybody mentally set some type of boundary. You didn’t have any boundary. Prime example with me, and you even know this, the day you have a baby by somebody else, I’m gone. Look who’s still here. You know, so I feel like even mentally in our minds, we create some type of boundary that is a no-go for our relationship. Well,  um.

07:11

to a certain extent I had a I don’t give a fuck mentality and that was due to the fact of me ripping and running the streets. So I, me personally felt as though.

07:24

I’m out here doing all this bullshit. It happens. It happens. It is what it is That’s just the way I thought Something they won’t think that way but to teach his own I mean to comment on what you said about sacrifices and you said

07:45

I think you said things change and it’s really kind of like, guess to sum it up, I guess you have to choose the person you want to fight for because I do believe that relationships are an interesting factor because typically when you’re young and you’re in a relationship, on average, most kids don’t start dating until I’m gonna say 16. You do have some who are younger out there, but 16, what is that? 16, 17, 18, that’s not.

08:15

anything genuinely too real,  but…

08:21

I’ve heard, and especially a lot of times I hear it from women, not necessarily from men, that sets these boundaries that like, how long, what are you really willing truly to deal with? Because even me, I got my question myself of,  know, why are you dealing with this person? Why are you still around? Why are you still staying? But how do you know that…

08:46

the individual that you’re with is the person that you’re willing to fight for or push through because it does take two. So one, you may choose to stay, but also your partner has to show some effort on he or she’s side. That’s just more along the lines of getting on the same page and seeing what can become of y’all. You know, and like I said, at one point I ain’t caring. So.

09:16

You know, I sat back, I did my self reflection and everything else like that, what I wanted for myself and life.  And here I am. 28 fucking years later. 28 years later. Yeah.  It’s a long time. I guess let’s use us for example, when  we went through our biggest hurdle,  there was a point that we did think like  we didn’t think we were going to make another year or two. So

09:46

For me,  what clicked in my head at the time,  I think  was my number one focus was our kids. But I also had to learn to put that aside because I wasn’t in a relationship with my children. So I did have to put myself first. And when I mean I was in a relationship with my children  is the relationship I have with my children is different from the relationship I had with you.

10:14

So although they were a motivation  for me to help make things work,  I had to learn how to separate the two because I had to understand, oh how am I going to make this work for Khalif and Khalia? Because at some point, Khalif and Khalia are going to get big  and they’re not going to be in our lives every day like they are and they’re going to be curating their own life and starting their own family.

10:42

So how do I figure out how to make it work with Kalief and I?  I mean, for me, the focus was prayer,  as I’ve said a few times. Also, the focus was, was I generally happy in this relationship I was in? And was the infidelity the end of all?  know, looking at, because by then, by then when this situation took place,

11:10

think we were at years 16 and 17, somewhere around there. If I have to, yeah, 16, 17, somewhere around there. We were in the teens.  And at that point we were already a few years in and it’s a matter  of, is this the person I’m gonna fight for? Is this the person I’m gonna push through for?  I had to also look at the skeletons in my own closet. I don’t have the mentality of I don’t give a fuck.  I don’t.

11:36

think like that, our thinking is a little bit different for Khalif and I. So with me,  the way that I think  is okay.

11:47

What do I need to change in myself? Because obviously what has happened to us is the effect  of something that I’m doing wrong, something  that’s making Khalifat happy and also vice versa. But  one of the big reasons for me was I was truly still in love with this individual.  Aside from all the things that I can  add  in, which  is definitely… um

12:18

a help and an aid because  we did go to counseling. um I don’t bottle  things up. have to talk about them. So aside from  anything extra is I was still in love with this individual regardless of what we were going through. So what was the pivot point for you when we were going through what we were going through?

12:41

generally really made you realize, okay, this is the person I want to fight for because we all feel like at some point do you have the I don’t give a fuck attitude. Yes, that comes with the territory, but there has to be a light or some type of thought process you had. Basically, for me, it was I got to stop causing my own fucking headaches. And I put you through a lot. You know what mean? And

13:08

You was there to thick and thin. I mean, through my downs, through my ups, just everything I ever went through. And I was like, that’s my baby. That’s where I’m going to be. That’s to some of them for me. Like, it’s real simple. Mm-hmm. You know, um.

13:25

The counseling did help because,  know, sometimes when I sit here, like me, you have our conversations, it’s like, don’t wanna hear shit I gotta say.  And when you go hear from a counselor’s point of view, it’s like, don’t wanna hear what they gotta say, but down, you get to that step back and like, oh, this is coming from another man. So  maybe what Khalep is saying is right, but for me to hear from another man is like.

13:54

All right, I understand now. I need to reevaluate myself and go about it this way instead of going about it that way. And the same goes for me. know, certain shit I just don’t want to hear. But yeah, you still talking. I swear to God you do. What do you mean certain shit? Elaborate because this is educational. So when you say certain shit, because you do have people that look at us and be like, 28 years, what the fuck did they do? You know, what did they do? 28 years.

14:22

dealing with a whole nother individual is not easy. I mean, you can complain all you want, but you’re sharing your life with someone. You and I are legitimately two different people. We don’t come from the same cloth. Ethnicity is different. All these factors go into play when you’re sharing your life with someone. So I hear what you’re saying  about, oh, you know,

14:50

ah I’m frustrated right now. I think every day it’s logical. And for us to create this delusion in our mind  that every day is a perfect day. Every day is going to be a great day. That’s a goddamn lie. I’m going tell you that right now.  I like to speak the truth and the truth is beyond the love that we have with Khalif, the situation that Khalif and I have, there is a deeper part to it.  This is the person I’m choosing to fight for.

15:20

This is the person that I’m going to go to war with no matter what.  Oh, this is the person that I’m going to show up for even on my bad days. But  this is the my person. This is my person. Even though I might wake up and have a nasty attitude and he’s pissing me off or he’d said something to me the wrong way. This is still my person.

15:48

And that’s the mentality that we need to have that every day is not going to be a great day. Social media can be very deceiving  when you have influencers that like to shine light  on their positive sides of the relationship as though nothing goes wrong.  And when people are going through things, that can be detrimental. Especially when I was going through stuff, I had to learn to shut that out.

16:14

because then my mind goes into comparison mode, even if we don’t mean for us to go in that direction.  I mean, the challenging part of the relationship  is still being present front and center for that person that you love, even on bad days. Well, I don’t know how many years it was, but I guess it was beginning, basically when we brought this house,  I basically told you like,

16:44

This is our foundation.  You know what mean? um

16:51

This is it all starts and at the of the day, it’s like a structure. what mean? Like you’re gonna build. And that’s what we kept on doing. So far, so good, you know, we building. You know what mean? And I’m not gonna sit here and try and demo my foundation. mean, my start of my build to basically restart it somewhere else. You know I mean? Like I like to stay consistent with what I got.

17:15

So now let’s shift the focus a little bit because I know we talked about how to make a relationship last, but I just want to touch on a topic where I try not to be  negative when it comes to if two people do go their separate ways. Sometimes that happens  and there is a positive side of that because you want to assume that when two people go their separate ways, they do it  amicably as possible. oh

17:41

and they’re still respectful towards each other. And sometimes that does happen.  But how do you know  who is the person you wanna fight for? For me,  it was I knew I was still in love with you. I knew even  15, 16 years in,  even though we had the situation we were dealing with, I was still wanting to continue to fight for our relationship.

18:07

For you, it was the foundation based off of what you just said. But when two people choose not to fight anymore, do you think that they should reconsider? Do you believe that? oh Well, with that being said, it…

18:29

I’ve worked in a number of ways because like  what what have they done to

18:37

Try to get the relationship to hold on try to the relationship to last like you know I mean that’s that’s just a open book of What have they done to sit here and try and work on their selves and their relationship? Have they did counseling have they sit down and talk to each other have they did self-reflection have they did meditation have they? just Overlooked all the negative. mean I have they overlooked all the all the good things that they have done together

19:06

and just worried more about the negatives. Like that’s just a broad wide band of what ifs. So that right there, like if you gonna do something like that, have you overlooking everything good that y’all have done and just worried about all the shitty moments? Y’all was never meant to be together in the first place. What bond do y’all have with each other? I mean, what connection do y’all have? What…

19:34

What’s the main goal? What’s the main objective of y’all being together? I mean, like, of course it starts off as like just a physical attraction, then becomes a sexual attraction. Then all of a sudden becomes going out, having fun. I mean, everything in the beginning always gonna be great. Yeah, you might as well say it that way. Great. Everything’s looking good. And I mean, butterflies on the bullshit, whatever. You know what mean? Then all of sudden you move in with each other and then all of a sudden complaints come. You know what mean?

20:03

Then on top of that, like…

20:07

is she willing to pick you up as much as you was willing to pick her up. what mean? If you got to set back in life, is she willing to pick you up? If she got to set back in life, is you willing to pick her up? You know what mean? Unless physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, act like all that goes into play also. You know I mean? Like, oh, this bitch done lost her job. Fuck this bitch, I gotta go find me something else. Nah, it ain’t that. You know I mean? Oh, this bitch done did this or that.

20:36

I mean, how can y’all make that better? How can y’all make that work? How can y’all expand off of that? You know, that’s where it goes from there. You know what I mean? It’s all about focusing on each other. Relationships are definitely hard because they do start off great, but then you have to realize who’s the organized one, who’s the disorganized one, who’s the cleanly one, who’s the non-cleanly one. So everything that Khaleef said does play a huge factor.

21:04

In that situation, if a separation needs to take place, it’s not necessarily a negative thing because I think when two adults  are taking accountability and are reflecting on a situation and maybe needs to give themselves space, I don’t know what that space looks like,  that’s not necessarily a negative. um And it shouldn’t be looked at as a negative, but we also have to outweigh the good and the bad. And that’s what we have to remember.

21:35

the good times versus the bad time? What is the underlying issue that we’re dealing with here? Is it financial? Is it emotional?  Is it physical?  We have to ask all ourselves this. And have you done everything that you possibly can do to try to  mend the relationship to what it was?  Or what is each couple looking for? Because in reality, there are times where  people do call it quits.

22:04

And that’s not a bad thing because we evolve as individuals. The same  people that we are today is not the same people that we were 28 years ago.  So we also have to reflect on that, that we are growing as  different individuals in this relationship.  And can one partner keep up? You gotta see each other as one. You know what I mean? Like, if she’s down, you down. You know I mean?

22:34

You also must bring each other up. That’s one of the main things.  Always knowing  how to bring each other back to understanding that y’all are one. Y’all can take finances, separate them if y’all want. Y’all still one. She got you paid. If she ain’t got it, you got it, that’s still her money. If  she got it you ain’t got it, that’s still your money. Y’all just one in general.

23:05

y’all get on that accord of knowing that y’all are one, y’all will always feel separated in a relationship.

23:19

Anything to say about that, Ms. Sherley? No, Mr. Cooley, if I agree 100 % with what you just said.  So now let’s take it to a little  fun  aspect. Of course, we talked about, we did touch base on some challenges. I talked about the six pillars that I feel is important for me, which is trust, respect, consistency, communication, loyalty, and sacrifice.  What are your thoughts on those six and do you have your own? Yeah, those are cool.

23:49

That’s actually what helps a relationship in general. Of course there are interchangeable. Yeah, but yeah, no, I don’t have nothing say about them. That’s literally what it is. Now let’s talk about some fun aspects though that make a relationship laugh. Fun aspects are like also in the relationship is keeping the spontaneity, dates, intimacy.

24:18

ah All those matter because those are the good moments, right? Those are the moments that you reflect upon and you think about the dates that you go on, the things that you do together as a couple.  And it could be a simple date, the time that you spend together, maybe, you know, watching a movie, cooking dinner.

24:43

or going for a walk or exercising together, whatever works for you as two individuals, all those things are in addition to what’s going to make the relationship sustainable, especially after you have kids. know, that focus will definitely shift a little bit because the kids can be a distraction to what you and your partner were before the children. So,

25:11

Kids is actually the strength that people want to be technical. That’s actually how you get to hold yourself in a relationship. Because y’all both want the same thing for the child is just the complaints is what pushes a relationship away, you know, or maybe one of them is unfit to be a parent at the time. And y’all got to find the balance to sit here and let that person know like, look, this is what we signed up for. This is our task. This is our goal.

25:41

you know, and try and keep it that way. That’s an interesting topic. don’t  necessarily, I agree 50%. The kids are, yes, a strength, but children  can also be a distraction because  of your focus is shifting, because it’s not just the two of you anymore. Well, that’s why I just said, though, No, I agree with you 50%, although they are a strength.

26:09

but they can definitely also be a distraction for the relationship  to make partners grow apart. Kids do add a big stressor onto the relationships, especially in their younger years. You said there are strengths. When I told you- They are a strength. And  when you say distraction, distraction to me  is basically saying that person was not fit to be a parent at the time. You know what mean?

26:38

That’s what I’m saying. That’s what you see it as. But then again, like at the same time, you’re also taking consideration. You know what mean? Some females try to have a motherfucking child by, mean, have a child by a man just to try and trap him. It all depends. You know what I mean? That man wasn’t ready. He just seen as a fucking, a fling. Have a way of having fun. But we’re talking about children that are in solid relationships. So we’re not talking about one non-stand or.

27:07

your wording of what you just said, like when you say solid relationship, if it’s a solid relationship, the child is not gonna be a distraction. You know what mean? So I guess we just have different viewpoints on this. I believe that what Khalifa’s saying is the children are a strength in a relationship. I don’t disagree with that. But I also believe that children are a major distraction. And this is from a mother’s standpoint, obviously, maybe any fathers or mothers out there.

27:37

Comment to tell us what you think. Do you feel it’s a 50-50? Do you feel like children should not be a distraction? Children are a distraction because now you have two people that were just focused on  us  and you’re bringing other little human beings into the relationship. Now things are shifting a little bit. Okay, you have maybe one parent that might be doing more than the other,  which sometimes that ends up happening and it’s not intentional.

28:07

but that’s how it works out. You may have a mother that stays at home.  So now she’s home all day with the children. Then when you come home from work  or whoever comes home from work, depending on if it’s a stay at home mother or stay at home father,  now you feel like you’re not getting that attention from your partner that you were getting.  This is what I mean by a stressor on the relationship that’s going to  grow you guys apart a little bit. So apart to the point where

28:37

In reality, this is how cheating takes place because now focuses are shifted. One parent might be focusing on the child too much. The other parent wants more focus from that parent and it takes you guys away from each other. That’s why I mean by children can be a distraction. Although they are a blessing, a positive to the relationship, you’re procreating, it’s a great thing. They’re going to bring strength.

29:07

Yes, but they are a distraction in today’s topic when we’re talking about how to make a relationship last Children are a distraction and they can make the partners grow apart. So that’s the reason why it’s important to  incorporate things such as date night and staying focused together and making sure you’re doing things as a couple even if you have to

29:36

drop the kids off at your parents’ house, at your uncle’s house, at your aunt’s house, at a friend’s house,  just so you two can spend time together  is the point I’m trying to make. So I don’t disagree with you.  And then the uh example that you gave about women trying to trap men, I hear you on that. But in this situation and in this example today, we’re talking about more solid relationships where two people are actually living together, cohabitating  and growing together, building a foundation.

30:07

Yeah, so  those are some of the fun things, I guess. Date night, doing things together, because doing things together as a couple  is extremely important  to make sure you keep things tight. Keep things tight, keep things tight in the relationship,  because growing apart is definitely going to be a distraction. There was something else I wanted to  bring  up  about fun things, intimacy.

30:35

Intimacy again is important in a relationship because if you start to lose a sexual attraction for that person, that’s a big red flag because if this is someone you want to spend your life with and now you’re not even sexually attracted to them anymore, that’s a problem. That’s something you both need to visit and talk about because something’s going on and…

30:59

What happened within the last few years now that you’re not even attracted to me anymore or you’re turned off,  something’s going on. And that’s a discussion you need to have. This is the reason why communication is important. Even having  uncomfortable conversations that you do not wanna talk about. So what are some fun things you wanna add, babe?

31:25

Nothing I do is fun. You do. You have your club that you’re part of. ain’t talking about my club.  You said nothing you do is I do is fun.  In the relationship? And your life? In general, just enjoying life.  That is, you ain’t making no sense. Just enjoying life. Well, what would you want to  add to enjoy your relationship?

31:54

Less nagging.

31:57

Positive. Positive. I can also say less complaining. That’s what I be saying. I don’t complain. That’s what I be saying. Don’t lie to the listeners. Don’t lie to the listeners. You be complaining. You be complaining. Stop rapping on Can imagine when this guy is 80 years old, Mr. Complaining?

32:25

A complainy old man. Nah, all right, so what do I like to do for fun? Well, what is fun things in life? Fun things to keep the relationship strong, especially in bad times. It’s funny to say it this way, but honestly speaking, sacrificing, what mean? Because you might not like some of the shit she do. And at the end of the day,

32:52

Just to keep it there, gotta sacrifice, swallow your pride, and just get on board. Maybe you might end up liking it. Some of the shit she do, what about some of the shit he do? I’m saying it goes the same. You gotta say that though, because the females are gonna attack you when they be like, what the hell he’s talking about? That’s the problem with this man, you still talking, he ain’t listening. No, based off of what you said, you said some of the shit she do. what she… But did you let me finish? Cause I could have said vice versa.

33:19

Right? you ain’t  let me finish though. This is the problem. You still talking. Your response was too slow. Cause I’ll be thinking at the same time I’m speaking. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. can recoup. Anyway, or vice versa. God damn. I got you ladies. got you.  Oh, only in America. Only in America. I’m a foreigner. You’re not. m This is your place.  Anyway.

33:50

Yeah, I ain’t been nowhere else yet. Wanna see how they live their life over here. But yeah, just, you might  not like his ways of some of the things he do, just adapt to him, you know what mean? You might end up like him. Same thing goes when  he or she, wherever way it goes, cause she didn’t distract him, this, she done fucked me all the way up.  Yeah.

34:18

So a few things I wanted to add since uh Mr. Kaleef is now distracted.  On top of the six pillars that I had, I had did some additional research and there were some others I wanted to  add  to help with the longevity of the relationship. Of course, we talked about doing fun things which all fall into quality time. Forgiveness is also important. Forgiveness is hard, especially if someone has done something to hurt you.

34:45

But remember, forgiveness is for you first, not for the other person. So you’re forgiving for yourself and not for the other person. Then  listening  is important. Listening is a skill that we all do not have, but it’s important to listen to your partner, even if you do not 100 % agree with what they’re saying. It’s always important to be a good listener and not just a talker.

35:14

Um, show up every damn day is important. Show up for them, show them support, show them love.  B.

35:26

cognitive of their body language and their ways. Don’t do not use that body language at all. It’s important. Body language says a lot. Because she reads me wrong. That’s why I’m saying it. I don’t know about y’all. Do you know they say when your arms are crossed, it’s because you’re being defensive. Don’t do that to me. Don’t do that to me. See how I get you all the time. seriously, listen up, right? Where you coming from?

35:55

from me. I’m just laying on the ground. I’m like…

36:01

an unsurprised individual, you know? So in regards to the fact, you know what mean? Like, you’re not gonna know my emotions until you piss me off, just for me. But at the same time, like…

36:17

What the fuck did we just  we I said show up every damn day  Oh body language as for me

36:30

Mine is just different, you know what mean? Like, it just looks bland, you know what mean? You’re not getting that expression, you know what mean? Only way you’re gonna get an expression out of me is if you piss me off. But at the same time, false reading body language actually irritates a person. So do not really go off of body language, ladies and gentlemen. Do not, you know I mean? Figure it out, but do not go off of body language. If you can, have a conversation. If you don’t wanna have a conversation,

36:59

Do something surprising to that individual. All right, fuck it. You wanna be mad at me? I’m gonna go out and buy you some flowers just to piss you off even more. It’s the thought that count. Are you bringing it because you wanna be nice to me now? No, it’s the thought that count. I agree 50-50. You gonna agree with everything 50-50, because you 50 % of me and 50 % of yourself. Because for me, body language is important. Now you don’t have to assume with body language because that’s what he’s trying to say. You can always ask, babe, what’s wrong? And what if I say no? You look a little bothered.

37:31

And I literally tell you nothing. what do you do? No, something’s bothering you. No, it’s not. And then you wanna have a full blown conversation thinking something’s wrong with me. And it’s like, stop. That’s what I asked you, stop. It’s not what you’re doing. Oh, well, the way your body language, no, it’s not my body language. Then it goes into just let it go or leave me alone or shh. You know what mean? Because you read me so wrong that it’s like, bitch, I’m just relaxing.

38:01

I can look at a motherfucking movie and not wanna laugh even though this is a comedy show. Seriously, I cannot find a motherfucking funny. But the body language told me that you’re mad right now. No, the nigga’s just corny.

38:17

Are you okay? Don’t touch me. Are you? Let’s have, we’re, focus. The next one is accept each other’s flaws and accept them for who they are, which is extremely important because we are imperfect individuals. Discuss things and not argue, which is very important. Try not to argue. You want to agree to disagree.

38:43

I know it always sometimes goes down the argument path. We’ve been there. It happens. You can’t avoid it, but try to  agree to disagree. It’s not about winning an argument. It’s figuring out, okay, what’s the source of the issue here? Why did this conversation go left like it did? What did I say? What did he or she say? know, figure it out.

39:13

try to resolve it quickly because majority of the time it’s probably a simple situation that has escalated into something bigger. And if you do get into an argument, fight fair. Also.

39:31

You can just walk away. Don’t even have an argument. Just walk away. Where am I gonna get in the car? Let me the fuck out. You know me. You don’t do that. What? You’re not insured. still will. Man, you can let me out anywhere. I don’t give a fuck. I’m gonna find my way home. me. No, he don’t do that no more. He to do that back in the day. I still will. He used to do that back in day. I’ll just silent on you. Fuck that. I’m just going silent. Oh, I do go silent on you. Last night I was silent. You weren’t. So what?

39:59

I was like, you’re talking to me now? You were like, I’ve been talking to you. Oh yeah, because I was silent on the way there. So you can’t even say and talk that because I Oh, she wanted to talk so bad. was like, yes you did. No, didn’t. I knew you did. That’s why you was making like six phone calls. No, no, no, no. I still didn’t get to handle none of the shit I had to handle. But anyway, yeah, sometimes like if there are arguments about their rise or go, whatever the case may be, walk away. Now, another thing.

40:27

Please do not argue via fucking text. If a person texts you and invent until you just read it, all right, whatever, don’t respond. You know what mean? Or you can just say what you gotta say and walk away. There’s no reason to argue. I’m not looking for no backups. Fuck that, nope. What? All right, cool, bye. You know you can actually leave an argument. But no problem, who’s gonna stop you? What, they gonna stand in front of the door? All right, cool. Go silent. Just listen to them talk.

40:57

Don’t even hear them, just listen. Yeah, all right, cool. You know what it sounds like when they arguing with you? To me, this is what it sounds like from me. When a person like Sherley wants to sit here and vent herself to me, it sounds like a drama TV show. You know what mean? Like Housewives of Atlanta or some shit like that. How the motherfuckers just wanna call scenes to get paid for it. You know what I mean? Now, leave me the fuck alone. Shut the fuck up.

41:26

In my head, that’s what I say. I don’t say it out loud. Or I just tell her to stop. Ask her to stop, wherever a case may be. But yeah, that, she just, I’m trying to tell you, we’re like, we gotta fly by your ear and shit like that, you know what mean? And they just, what the fuck? God damn. That’s when we all be feeling, yesterday especially. What? Nigga.

41:52

Oh. You lucky I love you. um You lucky I’m telling the truth.  Right through you. You can see right through me, I’m telling we suffer from the same issues because you should see when he calls me when he gets pissed off about the job. I’m like, here we go again. He just talked about this yesterday. Now he bringing it up again, same people that he’s annoyed by.  And I’ll just be like, what’s the matter, baby? What’s wrong?  Oh my God.  What?

42:20

But you know what the real is though? I realize I really don’t like fucking people. I can accept certain individuals, but I don’t like people. Likewise, I don’t like people either, but I put up a good front. I ain’t putting up no front. You have to. That’s a fucking lie. That’s a skill. Yeah, that’s a skill. You know what you’re doing? You’re faking yourself. I ain’t never been no faker. Fuck that. Nope. Let me tell you. Let me correct myself. I told my boss you’d the butt. I can’t say that. Don’t say that on here. Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.

42:49

I’m putting too much out. um I do not like people either. So, Khalif and I agree.  We’ve always been this way, I believe. Now, it’s interesting to me that he says he doesn’t like people, but he is very much of an extrovert. He’s a Mr. Mingle. When we go out to an event, I’m like,  don’t talk to me, say less.  And I have no problem staying home. So that’s the difference.

43:16

That’s the difference between the individual. Listen,  listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, Before I met you in Haiti, right? You know you were scared to come outside.  I was not scared to come outside. I was not allowed off the porch.  I’ve been off the porch since forever,  Yeah, but  the point I’m trying to make is I may not like people. And he says putting up a front is being fake. No, that’s a skill.

43:44

The reason I say it’s a skill is I just need to be respectful to people, but I do not  have to like you. Sir, I don’t even know you. So I do not have to like you because this small interaction that we’re having with each other on the plane, I’m never going to see you again, but you need to respect me and I need to respect you. That’s it. We just need to say less to each other. And when I say I don’t like people,  mean, like, I’m not, I’m not about to have one.

44:13

getting on it because I wanted to make a correction that you make about me being fake. And I want the world to know is not liking people  and, you know, turning that knob on when you need to is not being fake. It’s a skill.  Respect is what’s important. You need to respect me. I need to respect you. I don’t need to like you.  That’s all I wanted to correct. But the last thing I wanted to

44:42

leave out with today is, which is a big one, I think is also important, is prioritizing your partner. At the end of the day, Khalif and I do not have any  magic ingredient on how to have longevity in the relationship. But I will say this, don’t  get into a relationship thinking that every day is going to be a great day. Every day you’re going to just have, you know,

45:12

Just an awe feeling for your partner. Absolutely not. The reality is, for days you might be upset with your partner over some stupid shit they did. ah There might be situations where one person’s sleeping on the couch. There might be situations  where, you know. I love that shit. Y’all have minimal interaction.

45:39

I’m facts. was eager. Stop touching me. You was eager. Stop touching. Now don’t get off track now. Don’t get off track. All right. Wait, look, last night. Yeah, we wasn’t going do this podcast last night. remember what we did exactly? We wanted to do this podcast last night. You was like, I’m going make my girl happy. And I’m going to get what I’ve wanted. Yeah, man, we got to negotiate shit. It’s crazy.

46:05

Hey, it’s part of the relationship. As long as we do it in a loving way, there’s nothing wrong with that. But anyhow, relationships are not perfect. The imperfections of relationships are a great thing. Stay grounded.  Definitely work on yourselves because  you can’t be a walking time bomb and trying to conduct  a healthy relationship. You both need to work on yourselves.

46:34

and make sure you’re putting your best foot forward. Talk to each other.  Be very transparent with one another and  just show up for each other because a relationship takes more than just love. It really does. Love plays a huge factor, but you know.

46:59

For us, I think it’s way beyond that. We’ve become really  great friends.  Even though at times we hate each other. But we’ve become really great friends. You’d love to see this girl coming, I’m telling you. At times, fuck that. I’m telling the truth. At times, that’s… Let me correct him. All the time. All the time. The beauty cool. But when she speaks sometimes, listen, like I told you yesterday, listen.

47:27

I don’t mind having a conversation with you when it’s about important shit, but when you just wanna talk, leave me the fuck alone. He loves it all, y’all. Don’t,  don’t, don’t be deceived. He loves it all. Yeah, we’re the god. Do you wanna  tell him anything before we go about how to have longevity in their relationship? Learn how to mute each other out. I swear. Positive, baby. Learn that this gonna help the relationship. If they get into a fucking argument and she wanna talk.

47:59

Translation, respect each other when communicating, learn how to be good listeners. Let me translate that for Or what you could do is, you could say, bitch, you can leave. And when they go to leave, In your head, in your head, another translation. gotta play the mind game. Like, bitch, you can leave. And then just stop them right now. I don’t want you to go. You know what I mean? Shit like that. And just do random, spontaneous shit. There you go. There you go. Plain and simple.

48:27

Keep the intimacy alive.  So thank you for listening to our episode. Kaleef and I appreciate it greatly. Until the next episode, make sure you leave any comments that you have for the episode that you listened today.  And until the next one, have a good one. Peace out. Thank you for tuning into the show. If you want to continue the conversation or share your takeaways.

48:55

Head on over to the website or join us on social media.  I want to hear from you.  Don’t forget to rate and subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode.  Chat with you soon.