*New name is Sherley’s Show some older recorded videos you will hear Femme Parler Podcast as changes are still taking place*

Live Your Life Like Tomorrow Is Not Promised

Live your life without consequences.

Not in a reckless way, but in a real way. Because you never know where you are going, and if someone has something to say about how you choose to live, that is their judgment. Not your burden. Be who you want to be to the best of your ability.

Welcome back to Sherley’s Show. I am your host, Sherley, and this is the space where we talk about real life. Personal experiences. Infidelity. Trust. Forgiveness. Sex. Heartbreak. Self love. And everything in between. So pull up a seat, get cozy, and get ready to be challenged and encouraged.

It has been a minute. The last time we recorded was August 2022. And we are back, but we are not coming back light.

We are coming back after a loss.

Also listent to: Exciting Changes Coming to Sherley’s Show in 2026

Why We Disappeared

I took a long break because death hit our family back to back. My brother died in a car accident on November 20th, 2022. He was days away from turning 32. And I was about to turn 40. That messes with your head in a way you cannot explain until you live it.

Then my aunt passed away August 12th, 2023. She was not just my aunt. She played multiple roles in my life. She was an aunt, mother, and sister all in one. And while we were still trying to recover, Kalief lost his brother too.

Grief like that changes you. The first months were the hardest, especially the moments where you instinctively reach for your phone to call them and then it hits you. They are not here anymore.

How We See Death

Kalief said he sees death as God calling people home. Like God wanted them, and they are better off with Him than being here. And honestly, my view is similar. We all have an expiration date. We just do not like to accept it.

But my brother’s death forced me to face the practical side too. Life insurance. Wills. Power of attorney. The uncomfortable stuff people avoid. Because death is emotional, but it is also a business, and the last thing I want is my family grieving while trying to figure out how to pay for everything.

The Part That Still Hurts

One of the hardest things for me is what I thought would happen after my brother died, and what actually happened.

I assumed it would bring the family closer.

It did not.

And the part that breaks my heart the most is I do not have the relationship with my nephews that I wish I had. I pray that when they are older and have more control over their lives, they will reach out and want to know their father’s side of the family.

Because death does not only take the person. Sometimes it takes connection, access, and future memories too.

The Question We All Ask

Why do people go when they go.

That is the question I sit with. Especially when the death is sudden. Not sickness. Not something you can prepare your mind for. A freak accident. A phone call you never expected. A life that is just… gone.

We also touched on suicide, and how complicated that conversation is. Because if God knows our end date, where does choice fit in. Why do some people survive attempts and others do not. It is a heavy topic, but it is real life, and we are not going to act like it does not exist.

What We Want You to Take Away

Live your life to the fullest. Tomorrow is not promised.

Love your people while you can. Stop acting like you have unlimited time. And stop letting pride make your last moment with someone sour. Because when they are gone, you would give anything for one more normal day.

And if someone you love is grieving, please watch your wording.

Do not ask, are you okay.

They are not okay.

Instead ask, what do you need. How can I support you. Do you want company. Can I bring you food. Can I sit with you.

Sometimes presence is the loudest love.

Thank you for being here. If you want to continue the conversation, head to the website or join us on social media. And do not forget to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode.

Chat with you soon.

---

Transcript

Transcripts are the conversations from the podcast which may contain a few errors/typos.  It can be difficult to catch all errors, especially if two people are speaking at the same time.  Please enjoy the conversation and if you have any questions email us.

00:00

Live your life without consequences. right, you never know where you’re go. And when somebody feels some type of way of how you wanna live your life, it’s just a judgment, who cares, you know what mean? Be who you wanna be to the best of your ability. Welcome back to The Sherley Show. I am your host Sherley. Our discussions are going to be ranging from personal life experiences, infidelity, trust, forgiveness, sex, heartbreak, self-love.

00:29

so much more. Let’s dive in, pull up a seat, make sure you’re cozy, and get ready to be challenged and encouraged while you learn with me, your virtual girlfriend. Welcome back to another episode of FunPalei Podcast. It’s been a minute since you’ve heard from us. August of 2022 was the last time we recorded. But we’re back, the dynamic couple.

00:59

And our first episode that we’re going to talk about today has to deal with death because one of the reasons that the break that I took was so long that I talked about  in the video that I did about why I’ve been gone so long and where have I been during this long hiatus that I took was because we had a few deaths in the family. The first death  when I decided to take a break back

01:29

In the fall  of 2022 was my brother who died in a car accident on November 20th  in 2022. So that was traumatic in itself. And then my auntie who played three roles,  aunt, mother, sister,  died six weeks later, August 12th of 2023. And surprisingly enough, as we’re trying to record,

01:55

cover from all this, then Kalief lost his brother. So it was a lot going on at the time. And for me, I can definitely say before my brother, the one individual that was, well, the two individuals that was very close to me that I lost was my grandma and grandpa. And at the time I was 14 and 17. And

02:21

When you lose a family member when you’re young as opposed to when you’re in an adult, it is drastically different. And when I lost my brother, it hit differently totally because my brother was just shy of turning 32. His birthday would have been December 27th of 2022 and he wouldn’t turn 32.

02:48

And the sad part is here I am about to turn 40 and my brother didn’t even live to see 32 years old. So  that was tragic in itself. My 40th birthday was a bit sad because I really didn’t want to celebrate because of that reason. It hadn’t even been six months, let alone it hadn’t even been 90 days. Now that I think about it, December, January. Well, no, it had been  just a little over 90 days since my brother. No.

03:18

December, January, February, yeah, just a little over 90 days. So it was hard for me to celebrate and have a celebratory party when I just lost my little brother tragically. So that’s where we’ve been. For me, I’ve been recouping, I’ve been resetting, I’ve been accepting the fact that these two people are now gone in my life and I have to figure out how to move on.  Because the first six months, I will say the hardest part is,

03:49

talking about them was difficult and there are moments and as quick as it came it left that I would want to call them or make a quick phone call and then my brain quickly processed they’re not here anymore.  So.

04:05

I’m going to let Kalief share about how he feels because now we both share this tragic trauma together of we have lost a sibling, which we definitely did not see coming. quote, your brother was the age you are now when he passed, right? Cause he would have been turning 43 in February, correct?

04:31

He died in December, his birthday date February. He would have been turning 43. So the age you are now is the age, just, you know, your brother didn’t even make it to 43. So. He was already 43. Oh, he would have been 44? He was born in 81 or 80? He was born in 80.

04:53

Yeah, he was born in 18, we had a gap. So he was 80, I’m 82, Shani is 83, I guess. So he would have been turning 43, let me do this math. We ain’t even doing the math, don’t even worry about it. It is the math. So he was 42 when he passed and he would have turned 43 in February. Something like that. I’m doing the math, I didn’t even get thinking about it. But he’s just letting people know that, you know, how does it feel that your brother didn’t even live to see 43 and now you’re blessed to see 43? That’s crazy to think of it that way, which I never thought of it that way.

05:22

I see death differently, know what mean? Like at the end of the day, if something tragic happens to a person, or if something happens to a person to where it’s a life or death situation, you know, if they pass, I just feel as though God wanted them, you know what mean? And he felt as though they was better off with him than being here. That’s how I see death. I agree. I do believe that, or I shouldn’t believe, I-

05:51

In my honest opinion, the way I look at death is very similar to how you look at death. We,  there are certain things or situations in life as adults, we don’t know how to process until the situation arises.  No one teaches us how to mourn, but that could be  very argumentive because everyone mourns differently. We accept things differently.

06:20

process quicker than others when it comes to mourning. Being part of your family, I’ve never attended so many funerals because you have a large family. My family is large in a different way.  Most of my family members are back home in Haiti, so I have a small group here.  And like I said before, my brother, it was my grandparents that passed. One passed  in…

06:48

98, the other passed in 2000. And sadly enough, I didn’t even get to go to their funeral  because my grandpa was in Haiti. My grandmom, that was a request of hers that she did not want to be buried here in the U.S. and we shipped her back home. And I didn’t get to go to either. So that’s the sad part for me  is I didn’t get to attend their funeral.

07:13

Interestingly enough, I can’t funerals. I hate attending funerals. I attend because I have to. You don’t have to attend funerals. Certain people, it is respectful for me to wish my last goodbye. I was definitely going to attend my brother’s So, 100%. Your last goodbye is basically cherishing the memories that you had with them, you know, and accepting the fact that they’re no longer here and…

07:43

At least you got the time to spend with them to create those memories before they passed. I agree. And  what I was gonna say before about what you said the first time about God was calling them, 100 % agree that we all have an expiration date. It’s  extremely hard for human beings to accept that we are not going to last forever.  Although subconsciously we know that we all have an end date.

08:12

but we don’t like to  talk about it or come to the realization of it. My brother’s death was a  major realization to make sure that all our affairs was in order because I told you it’s extremely important that we have  life insurance set in place and, you know, the power of attorney and the living will that we’re working on this week coming, you know, all these need to be in place.

08:42

as sucky as it sounds,  death is a business, a funeral is a business. And the last thing I want you or the kids to have to do is worry about how you’re going to fund my funeral and also continue living life because life still has to continue and trying to figure out how to financially do so. So  that’s one of the things that I made sure of. uh

09:09

There were many things I had in place that I didn’t even realize and I didn’t take seriously. You know, when it’s time to renew your health insurance information at work, you’re just like, okay, yeah, I’ll do this. I’ll do this. After my brother died, I really tightened up on, okay, what do I have? What don’t I have? I make sure now what  I will have to make sure  is that if something wants to happen to me, Kalief knows who he has to call, what he has to Ghostbusters.

09:37

to make sure that, you know, he gets the life insurance information activated because he’s gonna be mourning, the kids are gonna be mourning. You just don’t want your family to have to worry about. The struggle of how to do everything. How am gonna finance this? And  hold their stuff together at the same time. Exactly. If you wanna take six months off for work because you need to gather yourself.

10:05

you should be able to do so.  I didn’t do an FMLA on my job because I’ve been ready to beat these people up.

10:13

I just thought about that, yo. I do need to take some time off, man. I forgot. You know,  I’m so serious. I know you are. We’ll talk about that. Side note. Anyhow, it is a call-in.  I have mentally prepared myself.  I have had the conversation with our children, I don’t know if you’ve had,  that if something happens to me, they need to pick up and keep it going. Funny enough, I say to them, told Rye, and I told you this. I said, Rye, if something happens to me, you need to hold it together.

10:42

You need to keep your dad together because he’s gonna fall apart. I sure did say that, because you are gonna fall apart. You what the kids say to me? You’ll be all right. Anything happens to me? Anything happens to me? You’ll be all right. That’s literally what they say to me. Who, me? The kids. If anything happens to me? If anything happens to me. I’ll be all right? No, they say I’ll be all right. If anything happens to me, you’ll be all right.

11:03

No, you know why they say that? Because I think they see the role dynamic in us. And I think realistically, they’re not trying to say you, but you always see the stronger parent when it comes to emotions like that. Like when it comes to our kids,  Kalia, I can honestly say Kalia is a lot stronger than Papa. Now Kalia is sensitive. Don’t get me wrong, she is sensitive, but she does it behind closed doors. But she’s the one that’s gonna, you know, call the insurance, get the paperwork signed, take care of everything.

11:32

while Pop-Pop’s gonna be grieving. He’s not going to make sure all these phone calls and things are made.  He’ll be helping his sister the best way he possibly know how. But that’s what I mean where even in our kids, we know who the business-orientated one is and who’s the one that’s going to be grieving and can’t handle the business. Now, could we be wrong and will Rose might be reversed? Possibly.  But I think they see that in us where if something was to happen to me first, babe,

12:01

You breaking down. I’m sorry. You breaking down, Possible. And if something was to happen to you, I will break down. I’m not trying to say I’m going to just, I’m going. I’m going to be sad as hell. I will have my moments. I’m going to be sad as hell. If I need to take six years off, I’m going to the doctor and I said, I’m depressed and I need time off for work. She going to be a drug addict. Absolutely. I’m going to be home.

12:26

Everything is going to be delivered. I ain’t going nowhere I will be home because I need to be grieving but So here’s the thing. Do you think because you know, there are five stages of grief When your brother died, do you think you went through all of them? Do you know what they are? No, I Don’t know what the five stages  are Denial anger bargaining depression and acceptance now in my opinion, I do think you win

12:55

through all of them from what I saw visually. But what do you think? Do you think you went through all these stages? I guess, but I didn’t feel it. But yes, I was upset. I know that much. Then I was just basically get the fuck out of here, know, like until the reality sets in. Well, you did go to Ango because you felt like the last long conversation you had with your brother. Yes, 100%. You are. You wasn’t the nicest to him. I was nice to him.

13:22

But you was deeming yourself up about the conversation you had and it wasn’t the greatest conversation in the world. Which, so it was a couple of conversations, but the last conversation I had with him was actually a perfect good conversation. We stopped talking for a reason. True. All right, let me tell them the reason why me and my brother stopped talking. That’s your personal decision. As long as you feel like putting it out into the world, you know these internet aunties and uncles like to tussle. So  my brother, um,

13:52

You know, granted, he did a lot of like in and out of prison, whatever the case may be. And he never really like, how would I say, bounced back from that to the point where he knew he had to step up and be a man or whatever the case may be, you know, like, and he was always asking people for money. So I basically told him, like, if you call 10 people in a day and ask them for $20 and everybody send it, you probably got more money than everybody you asked, you know?

14:20

Some people might say you’re a lads just because they love you that much. So I turned around and told them, I mean like, shit, you living in the hotel right now, my man? Tell your girls how that pussy is gonna cost $40. And we stopped talking.

14:39

It was fucked up to say, but man, listen, like, coming from a walk of life where like I ripped and ran the streets to where like I had to go out and get it on my own, then  changing my life to basically being a hard worker. You know, like, I ain’t got time to be just giving up my hard working money. You know what mean? If I was still out in the streets ripping and running, cool, huh, take it, I don’t care about that. You what I mean? It’s a fast paced life, so.

15:07

I mean, now you see me, now you don’t. You can be in your pocket one day and out your pocket the next. It don’t matter. But when you’re working and you’re trying to see your income that you’re making and you’re trying to save it and do all the other stuff that you need to do as far as like taking care of your bills and everything else, I ain’t got time to be giving nobody no damn money. I’m broke.

15:27

Well, there’s a positive way of looking at it. You don’t want to give him money because of his past situation.  No, he was just a Buddha bud king. I don’t care. You could say the nigga smoke Buddha bud. That’s what this shit was. He was smoking fucking Buddha bud. But it’s not like you haven’t helped him in the past. The point they trying to make is you have helped him in the past, but it doesn’t matter who the person is. I do believe it is important to set boundaries in certain situations with certain people.

15:55

especially if they’re addicted to negative things such as alcohol or drugs or…  support my alcoholism. That’s a word.  You do drink a lot. Oh, look at you using that word. When I use that word, you get mad. You like to say, I’m an alcohol. Just because I had maybe one or two drinks, I’m an alcoholic now.  Oh, the Troutman’s like to drink and you know that. You’re one of them. You love a little drinking. Yeah, I’m a…

16:24

I wanna get a drink right now. I know, you should have told me before we started. Nah, it’s all right, it’s all right. It’s all right, it’s cool. I still got some in my system from last night.  What is, now, as you know, for  my brother’s situation, we have not grown closer as a family. uh First,  my mother did not take his death to well. she…

16:53

She kind of went a different path. ah Then on top of that with her sister passing away, didn’t help the situation at all whatsoever.

17:04

And, you know, one thing  is we were close, but we weren’t like best friends.  And with the passing of my brother and my aunt, who were the bond between my mother and I, that the glue, I should say, that kept everything together, we’re just not close anymore. You know, that’s the sad part. We’re not close anymore. My brother, who has two children now,

17:33

And without me going into the nitty-ditty-glo- nitty-ditty tale of the second child, I don’t have a relationship with my nephews, which is sad in itself. But, you know, I try to be… One thing about my brother and I, we had a very good relationship. I was honest with him. He was honest with me. As I said,

18:02

on the um reintroduction I did on where I’ve been. My brother was the biggest supporter when it came to my podcast. One thing I’m sad about is he wanted to do  a show with me.  And because of course this is how we are in life, we always assume we have time and you know, time is borrowed. We don’t know if we’re gonna see tomorrow or the day after.

18:31

I wish I would have been more proactive in trying to schedule a show with my brother because I could have had that memory. He was one of my biggest supporters when it came to this podcast. Before we end the show, I’m gonna read the text message that he had sent to me, which I saved, which I’m gonna be getting framed because it was…

18:59

Definitely a word of support and encouragement from him because he always looked up to me as his big sister, you know, and just like any siblings we went through it there have been times I pissed them all for he pissed me off, but that’s just part of life. That’s what it is. But we always  made up and if he was wrong, he was quick. I will tell you this. He was quick to call me and always apologize first. I feel you know, that’s the one thing I regret and the one thing

19:27

thing that does sadden me is that I cannot have a decent relationship with my nephews, which I wish I could, but I can’t.  I assume that his death would have brought us closer together  as a family unit, but of course it did not. So that’s something that is completely out of my control that I just pray about every day that when the boys get older,

19:53

and may have control of their lives outside of their mother. And this is me trying to be a respectful adult and not really truly saying what’s on my mind, that they will reach out to their father’s side of the family and want to get to know their aunt and their cousin since their dad is not in their lives. You know, he even struggled  when he was in his first son’s life because he doesn’t know his second child.

20:24

But that’s the hardest part for me about the death. Now I know your situation is different because your family of course is a lot closer.  And  is there any story that you want to share, maybe negative or positive about your brother’s death? No, I have no story to share about my brother’s death.  I wished he would have took my offer and I asked to pay for him to come back down here  and  start over. I wish he would have took the offer. No, me, him, and my sister, our sister was on the phone.

20:54

That’s the only thing I can really say, but you know, he had his girl up there, whatever the case may be, because she wasn’t gonna be welcome over here. He could have came down here, lived in my crib for three months, got himself on his feet the way he needed to, you know what mean? And went about his business and figured out how to go about doing the things he needed to do to make sure he was good. That’s all. But it didn’t happen.

21:26

Yeah, just didn’t have her.

21:30

That’s crazy. How’s the relationship with your sister? Since your brother’s death. The same as always, man. 50-50. One minute she loves me, next minute she hates me. The fuck? I’m gonna be honest with you. Do you guys… Now, I will say one positive thing for you and your sister is you guys have each other. I don’t have Well, we… Well… So that’s why I ask, how is the relationship with your sister from a positive or negative perspective? Because you have your sister. It was the three of you.

21:59

I don’t have anybody to lean on. So when I grieve, I’m either grieving alone. No, you got the Troutmans. You got the Troutmans, certain ones, because you know you’re going to mess with certain ones. You got Mika. And you got Aunt Diane. You know? Those are your favorites. From a sibling perspective, though. See, they’re not my sibling. You know I’m not always call Aunt Diane and talk to her about anything in the world. so all right, cool. But to get back on topic.

22:26

It’s like I said, it’s a 50-50. It’s a hit and miss with me and her. I mean, I don’t lean on her for anything. I’m more like a state to myself. Take the punches and roll with them type of person. I have seen.

22:42

a lot uh

22:53

Now I’m just at the point where I’m not gonna say now I’m at the point, but I just got to the point where it was like acceptance. You could say almost like I have a cold shoulder for it. Like think it did alright, is what it is, but it’s just, I see a lot of death.  I lost some good people, family and friends. For  real, like that’s deep. Is it different for you when you lose family as opposed to friends?

23:24

As a feeling wise now, of course family can become our friends so So let’s just say I was more messed up over on tubby than I was over on Janice and they was twins You know, I’m Janice went out the way she went out. Yeah, I was I was messed up but I mean to get a tear out of me. It was on tubby, know Somebody I like has been in your life to where they give you that connection to you that understand this to give you that knowledge You know, like we was going over a house

23:52

every Sunday for dinner and I was like the first one there to help her prep and everything else like that for the food. Prep? Yeah. I always saw Aunt Tubby keep him out your house. You went to go eat her food when she was struggling And guess what? I was prepping too. What are you talking about? That’s why you like my mac and cheese.

24:15

On top he would look at you right now and roll her eyes. That’s a lie. That’s a lie. That’s a lie. That’s my baby.  know what I’m…

24:27

than like,  uh, my boy Jazz.

24:32

In 2000, we graduated. He was like, yo, let’s get the bottle. said, all right, let me go handle something real quick. I’ll be back. And I came back to the street taped off with the bottle. And literally, he got killed within 20 minutes of me being over.

24:54

graduation night, me and both graduated in 2000. And he died the same night he graduated.

25:02

That was deep.

25:06

You know,  my great-great-grandfather, J.B. Jones. He was the one that…

25:16

I think I had the  tightest bond with, you know?

25:26

That one hit home the hardest because  even though he was bad written, let’s just say I got an old soul, but I sit there with him, watch TV, feed him, probably change him from time to time, stuff like that.  And when he left.

25:48

That one hit different. Just hit different. It’s just  the person that you built the closest bond to is the one that’s gonna hurt the most.

25:58

very insured? No, no. um

26:02

JB was my guy. We were at a spa. And JB was your grandfather’s father? Man, you can’t tell me the history of that, man. I’ve been trying to forget too much shit, man. I got too much on this head right now. JB was your grandfather’s father. How do I know this? And I’m not… He was my grandfather’s father. Blood relative. But you ask a lot of questions. I do ask a lot of questions. You see how big this family is? Do you see how big family is? Do you see how big this family is? You going to start asking questions? I’m not.

26:30

The family is big, but you have to ask questions so you can make sure you feed proper information. Yes. So I always ask about Diane because… 400%. But anyway, that’s besides the point. That’s besides the point. JB was my nigga. Fuck that. Don’t care how you… was your grandfather’s father.

26:54

Yeah, and the crazy part about it is we literally was just talking to Aunt Diana and got a full breakdown of everything. We were. It’s crazy. We definitely were. But my mind don’t be in the right places. You know, I drift off.  I swear I do. I drift. We can have a conversation right now. I’m drifting off. I don’t care. Even if I’m fucking talking, my mind is thinking about something totally different. Based on what she said while you was talking, I was thinking,  uh, and you’ve had a lot.

27:21

And I know you did say, you know, Janice and On Tubby were twins, but On Tubby hit differently, of course, because On Tubby practically raised you and your sister, right? Yes. How do you feel about all the deaths that go through in your family? Because your family’s large. N***a, it’s life. That’s all. It ain’t no feel. It ain’t no feel. Feel? Don’t say you don’t feel. But  it’s life. It’s life. You’re great-grandpop. Tubby. friend, Jazz. So you do feel.

27:51

How do you think I handle grief? Do you care? So how do I think you handle grief? Silently. To yourself.  You do a lot of thinking when you grieve. Too much thinking, you you overcook your mental. Yes, you just, you’re a silent griever, you know, like, but then again, like at the same time, only know of the two deaths, you know? I have only been around for them. I didn’t know nothing about the others, or that’s all what I have seen.

28:21

from you. So  the way I seen you grieve was literally, sadly, you know, like, there’s been times where I walk in and you’re shedding tears. You all right? Yes.

28:33

That’s what you tell me, yes. I’m like, nah, but something’s going on. I’ll be all right, here’s your words. You know, it’s because you’re in your thoughts and it’s almost like if you can change time or whatever case may be the way you think of things, in my opinion. That’s how I feel as though you handle your grief. Just silence with a lot of thoughts. One thing I wanted to mention about grief for me is, which is an interesting thing I’ve thought about is,

29:04

Why do people go when they go? You know, we all have the expiration date.  We don’t know when it’s going to be. I pray to God every day that I go after my children. I don’t want my children to go before me because to see  what my mother went through, although I do feel as though I’m a strong individual and I will bounce back because over the years I’ve learned in

29:34

Everything that’s happening in life, you have to be mentally prepared. You have to prepare yourself sometimes for the worst, but not in a negative way because we’re human beings, we’re prone to error, life is not perfect. And just like things happen in a relationship that surprise you, death is always a surprise. The only way you can prepare for death is if someone is truly sick.

30:01

And now you start to go through that process in your mind. But when someone is not sick and it’s a freak accident or it’s an unexpected death, it’s a little harder to process. I always ask myself why, why that person had to go when they go. I saw my little brother be born and I also saw my little brother die. I didn’t think I would have had to do that or take care of that.

30:29

As I was saying before, Kaleef has his sister, that as siblings, they can lean on each other if they need to.

30:40

I don’t have a sibling, although my brother and I do have a half-sister that we share,  but  I’m not close to her.  And when it comes to opening up to people and being close, as Kaleef just said,  my  social network is not large like that. And maybe that’s one of the reasons why I keep my connection small, because

31:14

Maybe I have a fear of heartbreak. Maybe it’s less people that I have to worry about mourning because Kalief has had a lot of friends that passed.  I haven’t had a lot of friends that passed and the people that have passed that I’ve known are normally associates. They don’t necessarily fall in the friend circle for me.  It’s a different type of connection that I have. So.

31:43

It’s always interesting for me when it comes to. oh

31:49

The question that I ask myself constantly is why did that person have to go when they went? Do you think about the same? used to, but I came to understand it and acceptance that God wanted them back home. So that’s literally how I see it. I just, you will never get the correct answer of why. So I don’t think I’m looking for it. No, I’m not saying, I’m not saying I’m just speaking in general, but you will never get like,

32:19

anybody like when they ask I’m not just thinking about like why this why that you know like I Just basically  See it as God wanted them home. You know, they was better off with God. That’s why he called on them, you know That’s you said God wanted them home they were better off with God that’s why he called me Do you think suicide is the same? No, I don’t know so

32:47

That’s not God calling them.  No, that’s them taking their own fucking life.  That’s different. an expiration date that the Lord knows of. Yes, yes, but taking consideration, killing yourself, and now you’re sitting there asking for fucking forgiveness. You know what I mean? Then on top of that, it’s almost like the sucker way out, you know? To me, it’s the sucker way out. But you don’t know what a person got going on in their mind.

33:16

to sit here and wanna take that step or that action.  know,  some things might be too heavy on them to where they done tried everything to  try and fix the problem that they had going on or they felt as though they had going on and they chose a different route. If I can’t know like, they just chose a different route, you know. I can’t fix it, I’m giving up on it.

33:47

Instead of just giving up on it, they gave up on life. So the suicide is totally different from,  you know, a person dying of old age, a person dying in a car accident, a person getting shot, a person getting stabbed, a person falling off a motorcycle. You know, that’s like, that’s totally different, you know, like.

34:08

we’re looking at things where.

34:12

people  making it to the hospital and trying to fight for their life.  And  as much as they’re trying to fight, God is like, listen, I’ll take the pain away for you. Just come with me. That’s how I see that. Suicide is totally different. Suicide is different from a freak accident or from sickness. But when you say God, it was time for them to go. God wanted them.

34:39

Don’t you think God knows that the way they’re going to go is by suicide? That’s the devil’s way. Yeah, the only way it can be stopped is if they don’t pull the trigger. They don’t hang from that rope.

34:52

Like, I ain’t trying to be religious or nothing, you know, there’s ups and downs. There’s literally ups and downs and…

35:03

Suicide is just, it’s not a way to go out. So you feel suicide is, has nothing to do with God. It’s a personal choice that an individual makes. Yes, you’re taking your own life. Oh, matter of you know what? That’s crazy. That’s crazy, right? So, um, that’s wild. Um, that’s wild. Cause I was watching this movie. It was either a movie, no, it wasn’t a movie. I was watching a show or something, whatever it was. But,

35:33

is do want to commit suicide.

35:36

And he tried that he put, he loaded the AK up to his face. I forget if it was under his chin or whatever the case may be.

35:50

And he’s shot, blew half of his space off, whatever the case may be. And he still survived. So you know what? You could be right on that because he’s still here. The reason I ask is because twice you said, in your eyes, you feel as though God wanted them to go. do feel as though we all have, from my perspective, we all have an expiration date. We are all going to go. How we’re going to go,  we don’t know that.

36:20

We have no idea how we’re going to go. If we all knew how we’re going to go, we probably would rewrite our story if we could.  But  none of us knows that. That’s the special, interesting part of life, so to say. So when you say God wanted them, and you said that twice, what I’m hearing is…

36:45

Does suicide change that? that’s the reason why. No, no, no, no. I see what you’re saying. um

36:55

That’s a fine line. just gonna put it like that. That’s just a fine line because, like I said, the story of what the dude tried to commit suicide and he shot his fucking face off, but he’s still here, you know?

37:10

trying to commit suicide, shot his face, still here. You  know? Yep. That happened So it’s a thin line. So I want y’all to share your viewpoint. Basically, what’s being discussed here, just for me to reiterate, Kulief said that  death is God calling on you. Because of him saying that,  I challenged him with a question, you feel the side falls in the same perspective?

37:40

He says, no, that has to do with the devil, but it is a fine line because he gave the  example of somebody shooting themselves a space and surviving. Now  I  know a story of somebody who shot themselves and survive. And  there’s more stories that we want to believe out there  of certain situations where someone does something to take their life and they survive.  So the big question that is interesting is,  does that align with God?

38:10

which  I’m interested in hearing what your thoughts and your responses is. Now I’ll answer in my opinion. I am religious, but I’m not super, super religious. I do have a lot of questions. challenge things  in my own mind. I challenge things. I do believe that we are all children of God  and

38:38

I agree with Kaleef that  death is God’s calling. It’s his way in saying it is your time to go.

38:49

Now,  being the utmost  being that he is, the question that always goes in my mind, why would you allow somebody to the extent of taking their life completely?  Not where  your life is saved or you survive any situation, rather it’s cutting yourself or shooting yourself or taking a whole bunch of pills, whatever method you feel to take yourself out, you end up surviving.

39:17

And it even can be uh an intentional car accident. There’s so many ways of taking your life. How does some people survive and others don’t?  It’s an interesting discussion because is it the devil’s way and are you going to go to hell if you commit suicide? Is it still God’s calling? Even though he should be aware, the higher being should be aware of how we’re all going to go.

39:46

Are we cheating death when we take our lives? It’s just an  interesting perspective that I have thought about over the years. Because as we all know, this life is challenging. And  there are days that are heavier than others. And  certain people just,  know, suicidal ideation is called, is when you think about wanting to take your own life when it’s an actual thought. As y’all know, I did do an interview with somebody that

40:16

actually goes through this and thinks about this where normal individuals don’t think about things like this. Where, you know, he gave us the example of you could be out having a flat tire and during that flat tire situation, you think of taking your life that way you can end all this. Whereas a normal person is like, okay, I got a call, triple A, try to get the tire, get things back on track so I can move on with my day. So suicidal ideation is real.

40:47

And it’s just an interesting perspective. That’s why I brought it up. So what would you like our listeners to take away from this today? Live your life without consequences. right, you’ll never know where you’re gonna go. And,  or if somebody feels some type of way of how you’re gonna live your life, it’s just a judgment. Who cares? I mean, be who you wanna be to the best of your ability.  Live your life to the fullest, Tomorrow’s not promised.  Love your loved ones.

41:17

ah You hear about all the tragic things that happen out here in this world.  And  I will say I do fall victim, and many of us fall victim.  And  we definitely go about the day and act like every day is promised, every hour is promised, every minute is promised to us when in reality we know it’s not. We don’t know what’s gonna happen from minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, week to week, month to month.

41:45

After my brother’s death and then my aunt’s death, it just made me realize I do need to appreciate every day to the best of my ability, of course. I’m human. I’m not perfect. Family members are gonna upset you. Friends are gonna accept you. That’s part of life. But I try not to be malice in my ways. I really do. I try to, especially our kids, every single day I try to love on them.

42:16

Like I’m not gonna see him tomorrow. Because I don’t want  my last moment with my family to be sour as hell. You don’t want that shit. And it sucks. But live life to the fullest. Remember tomorrow’s not promised to you.  When you do lose a loved one or a close friend that was practically family, you know, take the time to mourn whatever morning

42:45

may look like for you because everyone grieves differently. As Kaleef said, I’m very much of a silent griever, which I am. I do go through the stages, but I go through them silently.  I’m not, I don’t have big dramatics. I’m not gonna be bursting and crying out loud or, you know, at the funeral falling to the ground or anything like that. I’m not one of those people with all the drama. I just…

43:15

I’m very reserved when it comes to things like this. As you know, I don’t even like funerals, but  I’m respectful in the moment. Respectful in the moment, but whatever  grief may look like for you, it is okay.  It is okay.  Mourn, grieve, and accept it.  I will tell,  I will say this.  One thing that bothered me extremely, and if you know me, you know me well, I don’t.

43:44

talk about the death in a way where if I’m in conversation with you, I’ll just say,  my brother. And if you’re truly listening, you may hear me talk about him in the past tense. But I  don’t try to put my brother  or my aunt in a conversation where I want people to feel sorry for me. I don’t do that.  I do realize…

44:11

In conversation, I tend to realize people do that much. And then  if you’re really listening to the conversation, then I’ll immediately include in there all my condolences. One thing I hated for people to say to me is, are you okay? No, I’m not fucking okay. Find something else to say to people because people are really not okay. They’re really not. I’m not okay. I just lost my little brother.

44:39

just lost my aunt, you asking me if I’m all right. Rather  use words of what can I do for you? Do you want to talk? Do you want to go out to eat? I’m just checking in.  know,  watch  your wording, especially when somebody lose someone. For me, immediately after my brother died and then right after my aunt died, I was very closed in. So that’s the reason why Kaleef says I’m a very quiet mourner. uh

45:07

I didn’t wanna talk because what am I gonna talk to you about? Like I’m fucked up right now.  I’m not feeling good. I’m not feeling good. Like, you know,  I can talk to you about it, but then it’s just like, there’s only about so much I wanna say. And then I was in that moment where I bring them up, I’m crying. Now I’m in my feelings and it’s just like, ugh, I gotta compose myself. So just be mindful of your words when someone does lose somebody that’s extremely close to them.

45:36

Sometimes saying less and just your presence is great just to let them know you’re there  and what can I do for you? How can I help this situation or what you’re going through? But uh as we end this episode to the next episode, as always, thank you guys for listening. We appreciate you. Have a great day.  Thank you for tuning into the show. If you want to continue the conversation or share your takeaways,

46:04

Head on over to the website or join us on social media.  I want to hear from you.  Don’t forget to rate and subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode.  Chat with you soon.

---

Would you like to be a guest?

Are you interested in getting your opinion out about a particular topic but don’t know how to do so?  If so, here is an opportunity to do so to share your point of view, PLUS get your message and voice out there.  It is always a great way to know about different perspectives and enrich ourselves through knowledge sharing.

Be a Guest

---

Submit your relationship advice/question.

Sherley’s Show provides an atmosphere where every woman is comfortable growing into their best self. Sherley’s Show is a no judgment podcast where we discuss how to rise strong out of all types of obstacles that come with relationships. Through personal life experiences and discussions ranging from infidelity, trust, forgiveness, sex, heartbreak, self love, therapy and more, we offer words of empowerment as you strive to build and maintain all of the relationships in your life. You may be going through something that is unique and difficult. Sharing your story gives others comfort and could also be helping someone else. Let them know they are not alone. Everyone has a story, do not let fear hold you back.

Listener Stories, Advice & Questions

---

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, I will get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through any of my links, at no cost to you. Please read my disclosure for more info.