11 Years Later: What Marriage Looks Like Now

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When people hear our story, they usually want to know one thing…

How are we doing now?

This year marks 11 years since one of the hardest seasons of our relationship. It’s still hard to believe it’s been that long. Time really does fly.

If you’ve followed me for a while, you know Khalif and I have always tried to be transparent about what we’ve been through. We don’t share everything, but we do share enough to hopefully encourage someone else who might be walking through a difficult season.

The biggest thing I can say today is this, we’re doing well.

Not because life is perfect.

Not because we never disagree.

And definitely not because we’ve arrived.

We’re doing well because we’ve never stopped doing the work.

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One of the biggest reasons for that is counseling. Even after all these years, we’re still meeting with our counselors. Some people think therapy is only for relationships that are falling apart, but I couldn’t disagree more. For us, it’s maintenance. It’s a chance to check in, work through unhealthy patterns, and make sure we’re staying intentional instead of simply going through the motions.

Recently our counselor challenged us with something that really stuck with me. He said sometimes we’re either living in the past or worrying about the future instead of truly being present. That hit home. Even after healing, there are still moments where it’s easy to protect yourself instead of fully showing up. Healing doesn’t mean you forget what happened. It means you stop allowing it to control every decision you make.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that trust isn’t rebuilt through one big moment. It’s rebuilt through hundreds of little ones. A goodbye kiss before work. A thoughtful conversation. Checking in with each other. Small, intentional acts that quietly say, “I’m here, and I’m choosing you today.”

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As if marriage isn’t enough to keep us growing, we’re also preparing for another huge life transition, becoming empty nesters. After almost two decades of raising kids, we’re entering a season where it’ll mostly be just the two of us again. That’s exciting, but it’s also a reminder that we have to keep investing in our relationship. For so many years, our focus naturally revolved around our children. Now we’re learning what it looks like to intentionally build this next chapter together.

We also spent some time talking about boundaries because that’s something I feel strongly about. After everything we’ve experienced, I’ve learned that healthy relationships don’t just happen. They require intentional choices. It’s not about controlling your spouse. It’s about protecting your relationship and making sure your partner always feels secure, respected, and prioritized. Those little decisions matter more than people realize.

Another blessing has been doing this podcast together. This show has always been something that’s close to my heart, and having Khalif join me every month has given us another way to connect. He’s naturally quieter than I am, and I’m definitely the one who likes to talk things through. The podcast has created space for conversations we probably wouldn’t have had otherwise, and I love that we’ve been able to grow together through it.

One of the things I always try to remind people is that relationships aren’t measured by whether you have conflict. Every couple has conflict. Every marriage has seasons where one or both people are frustrated. What matters is how you work through those moments. Growth doesn’t happen on the easy days. It happens when you’re willing to stay, communicate, forgive, and keep choosing each other.

Looking back over the last 11 years, I’m incredibly grateful. Not because I would ever choose to relive that pain, but because of who we’ve become on the other side of it. We’ve learned to communicate better. We’ve learned to be more intentional. We’ve learned that healing takes time, and that grace is something you have to give over and over again.

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this conversation, it’s this: relationships require work. Real work. But if two people are willing to grow, willing to listen, and willing to stay intentional, healing is possible.

And that’s something I’ll never stop being thankful for.

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Sherley’s Show is learning and growing every single day. We aim to uplift all marginalized voices both on this podcast and in real life. Please note that we are always striving to change the problematic language that society has internalized in us. Thank you for your patience as we aim to strip certain phrases from our vocabulary.

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Sherley’s Show provides an atmosphere where every woman is comfortable growing into their best self. Sherley’s Show is a no judgment podcast where we discuss how to rise strong out of all types of obstacles that come with relationships. Through personal life experiences and discussions ranging from infidelity, trust, forgiveness, sex, heartbreak, self love, therapy and more, we offer words of empowerment as you strive to build and maintain all of the relationships in your life. You may be going through something that is unique and difficult. Sharing your story gives others comfort and could also be helping someone else. Let them know they are not alone. Everyone has a story, do not let fear hold you back.

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